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the number of male and female did sport in 2010

the number of male and female did sport in 2010 DlBWk
The graph provides information about how many people of both sex, male and female did sport in 2010. selected age group including 15 to 24, 25to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54, 55 to 64 and 65plus. overall, however, among teenagers between 15 to 24 aged doing sport was more popular for male than the female with 52. 8 % along with 47. 7 % respectively. This percentage by getting older was reversed. Therefore the vast majority of women were attracted to doing regular activity. Furthermore between 35 to 44 aged the difference between the number of women who did sport was significantly higher than men with 39. 5 percent and 52. 5 percent in turns. Besides, the trend followed nearly the same for 45 to 54 -year-old. The percentage of women was roughly 53. 3 percent while this percentage for men was approximately 43. 1 percent. The percentage of elder people of both sexes followed equally number of under 50 percent.
The graph provides information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of both sex, male and female did sport in 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
selected
age group including 15 to 24, 25to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54, 55 to 64 and 65plus.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
,
however
, among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 24".
between 15 to 24
aged doing sport was more popular for male than the female with 52. 8 % along with 47. 7 %
respectively
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
by getting older
was reversed
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the vast majority of women
were attracted
to doing regular activity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 44".
between 35 to 44
aged the difference between the number of women who did sport was
significantly
higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with 39. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 52. 5
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percent
in turns.
Besides
, the trend followed
nearly
the same for 45 to 54 -year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of women was roughly 53. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was approximately 43. 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of both sexes followed
equally
number of under 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
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IELTS academic the number of male and female did sport in 2010

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
163 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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