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the map below show a coal mine in redevelopment into physical attraction site

the map below show a coal mine in redevelopment into physical attraction site Dl2VE
Given maps show the structure of reconstructed visitor attraction site from coal a mine. The original site of coal mine had various area as such two waste sites in Northeast. Lunch room and staff change room in Northwest. Significant changes have occurred in redeveloping the coal mine into a tourist attraction site. Firstly, the mine site entrance has changed to tourists’ site entrance. Moreover, lunchroom and staff change rooms transferred into a museum. The medical center also became a cafe. Secondly, two buildings were totally demolished which includes Waste site 1 became driving circuit and another one is waste site 2 which became pond. Both of these buildings are located in west direction of park. Moreover, there are noticeable new developments in the park. Includes, walking track in between driving circuit and entrance of the site in addition the second creation of park is children playground was built in the corner of park.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
maps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the structure of reconstructed visitor attraction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
from coal a mine.

The original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
of coal mine had various area as such two waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
in Northeast. Lunch room and staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
room in Northwest.

Significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have occurred in redeveloping the coal mine into a tourist attraction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
.
Firstly
, the mine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
entrance has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to tourists’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
entrance.
Moreover
, lunchroom and staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
rooms transferred into a museum. The medical center
also
became a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
.

Secondly
, two buildings were
totally
demolished which includes Waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
1 became driving circuit and another one is waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
2 which became pond. Both of these buildings
are located
in west direction of park.

Moreover
, there are noticeable new developments in the park. Includes, walking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
in between driving circuit and entrance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
in addition
the second creation of park is children playground
was built
in the corner of park.
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IELTS academic the map below show a coal mine in redevelopment into physical attraction site

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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