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The line graph below shows the number of serious crimes that occurred in London between 2003 and 2012.

The line graph below shows the number of serious crimes that occurred in London between 2003 and 2012. 5GBD
The line chart displays the total number of criminal cases that happened in Britain over the period between 2003 and 2012. Overall, Armed theft almost reached a peak in a year, but it shows a fluctuation trend over the period. It was the second most type of crime that occurred. Physical harming shows an upward trend over the due course, it was the crime people committed at the end of the period. The assassination was the least involved in criminal activity. Firstly, theft was a major part of the crime that occurred in London during the 2003-04 period, it almost reached the peak. During the next 5 years, there is a gradual downfall trend. In the next 5 years’ time a slight increase to around 1500. At the Beginning of 2003, it was around 2250 but over the next 9 years, there is a fluctuation trend. In 2012 time it was the most people involved in criminal cases around 2750 cases. Physical assault was the major convicted type by the people of London. Secondly, Assassination was the least involved activity during the period. In the year 2003, it was 500 cases registered. Gradually there is a constant trend followed in this criminal cased activity. In 2012 it was around 750 cases registered. It was the Third most people involved in a criminal offence.
The line chart displays the total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases that happened in Britain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
between 2003 and 2012.

Overall
, Armed theft almost reached a peak in a
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year
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a fluctuation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. It was the second most type of crime that occurred. Physical harming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
an upward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the due course, it was the crime
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people
committed at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. The assassination was the least involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity.

Firstly
, theft was a major part of the crime that occurred in London during the 2003-04
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, it almost reached the peak. During the
next
5 years, there is a gradual downfall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
. In the
next
5 years’ time a slight increase to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
1500. At the Beginning of 2003, it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
2250
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
next
9 years, there is a fluctuation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
. In 2012 time it was the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
2750 cases. Physical assault was the
Make sure that the adjective 'major' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'convicted'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
major convicted
type by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of London.

Secondly
, Assassination was the least involved activity during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2003, it was 500 cases registered.
Gradually
there is a constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
followed in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cased activity. In
The comma is probably missing here: "2012, it".
2012 it
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
750 cases registered. It was the Third most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
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IELTS academic The line graph below shows the number of serious crimes that occurred in London between 2003 and 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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