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The graphs show the number of people aged 23-65 in different occupation

The graphs show the number of people aged 23-65 in different occupation NwjVW
The pie charts compare the proportion of 23-65 people’s jobs in Ashby and the UK in 2008. Overall, personal service accounted for the most in Ashby, yet the occupations were more evenly distributed to other categories in the whole UK. As transparent from the data, personal services was ranked the highest job in Ashby at 21%, nearly thrice as much as professional work, which was the lowest. It was followed by Office work and Construction work with an equal amount of 18%. Similarly, the number of shop workers was equivalent to the number of jobless people, both 14%. Professional work and Technical work were less popular than other groups. Therefore, they comprised 8% and 9%, respectively. As observed from the chart, Office work was chosen the most by unretired UK citizens, with 19%, approximately doubling the figure reported in Construction work and the unemployed ones. Personal services and technical work were subsequent to Office work, accounting for 17% of the UK’s 23-65-year-old residents. Professional work was more preferred in the UK than in the town Ashby alone, which constituted 14%, marginally higher than the percentage of Shop work (13%).
The pie charts compare the proportion of 23-65
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s jobs in Ashby and the UK in 2008.
Overall
, personal service accounted for the most in Ashby,
yet
the occupations were more
evenly
distributed to other categories in the whole UK.

As transparent from the data, personal services
was ranked
the highest job in Ashby at 21%,
nearly
thrice as much as professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which was the lowest. It
was followed
by Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and Construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with an equal amount of 18%.
Similarly
, the number of shop workers was equivalent to the number of jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, both 14%. Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and Technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
were less popular than other groups.
Therefore
, they comprised 8% and 9%,
respectively
.

As observed from the chart, Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was chosen
the most by
Possible spelling mistake found.
unretired
UK citizens, with 19%, approximately doubling the figure reported in Construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the unemployed ones. Personal services and technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
were
Consider using "after"
subsequent to
Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, accounting for 17% of the UK’s 23-65-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
residents. Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was more preferred in the UK than in the town Ashby alone, which constituted 14%,
marginally
higher than the percentage of Shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
(13%).
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IELTS academic The graphs show the number of people aged 23-65 in different occupation

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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