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The graphs illustrate the employment figures in different tourism related industries between 2009 and 2019.

The graphs illustrate the employment figures in different tourism related industries between 2009 and 2019. 3OoX
The graphs illustrate the employment figures in different tourism related industries between 2009 and 2019. Overall, we can notice the amount of the people that employment over the decade was increased more than twenty percent for three sectors. Although some industries raised up, some decreased their number of the employments. Noticeably, the travel industry increased the workforce over the decade. For instance, while the Travel represented the biggest extension with an almost doubled in 2019. The food industry has also meaningful change with about 283. 4 Thousands in 2009 to 357. 7 Thousands in 2019, while as we can see the sport industry has similar level of growth. The least successful sector was culture including museums, art galleries etc. the figure dropped slightly over the ten years. This analysis shows even the minor fluctuations in some sectors the number of the employments in the tourism industry was grew up and will continue.
The graphs illustrate the
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employment
figures in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tourism related
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industries
between 2009 and 2019.

Overall
, we can notice the amount of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
over the decade
was increased
more than twenty percent for three sectors.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
raised up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decreased their number of the
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employments
.
Noticeably
, the travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
increased the workforce over the decade.

For instance
, while the Travel represented the biggest extension with an almost doubled in 2019. The food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has
also
meaningful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with about 283. 4 Thousands in 2009 to 357. 7 Thousands in 2019, while as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has similar level of growth.

The least successful sector was culture including museums, art galleries etc.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
figure dropped
slightly
over the ten years.

This analysis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
even the minor fluctuations in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sectors the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employments
in the tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
was
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grew
up and will continue.
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IELTS academic The graphs illustrate the employment figures in different tourism related industries between 2009 and 2019.

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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