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The graph shows the sources of beef consumed in an Asian Country.

The graph shows the sources of beef consumed in an Asian Country. p5Y2d
The two pie charts illustrates the proportion of the origin of beef consumed in an Asian Country by comparing 2012 and 2014. Overall, there is a significant upward trend in Home-grown, Australia and other sources over 2 year period, whereas USA completely stoped importing beef in 2014. Looking at 2012, local beef has the biggest dominance in the market with 37%, followed by Australia’s beef which is 31%. The third most influencing the beef market USA. In spite of these three involving in the major market, there will be small amount about 3% from other sources. On the other hand, the percentage of Australia’s beef becomes the half of the market with 52% and it is a noticeable change from 2012. In the same way, local beef market is increasing slightly and reaches to 42%. There is also a straight up growth in the other sources with double rate. To summarize, the beef market in the country is growing with a rapid rate with the exception of UAS’s stop.
The two pie charts illustrates the proportion of the origin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
consumed in an Asian Country by comparing 2012 and 2014.
Overall
, there is a significant upward trend in Home-grown, Australia and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources over
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
2 year
period, whereas USA completely
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "stopped", the past tense form of the verb 'stop'?
stoped
importing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
in 2014.

Looking at 2012, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
has the biggest dominance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
with 37%, followed by Australia’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
which is 31%. The third most influencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
USA.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these three involving in the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount about 3% from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the percentage of Australia’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
becomes the half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
with 52% and it is a noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from 2012.
In the same way
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is increasing
slightly
and reaches to 42%. There is
also
a straight up growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources with double rate.

To summarize
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beef
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
in the country is growing with a rapid rate
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
UAS’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the sources of beef consumed in an Asian Country.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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