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The graph below show the percentage of household energy used and the amount of green house gases produced in Austray

The graph below show the percentage of household energy used and the amount of green house gases produced in Austray rLA86
Pair of pie chart illustrate the consumption of energy and the greenhouse gas emissions in terms of six important categories in Australian household. Overall, it can be seen that Australian household spent largest proportion of their energy on just three categories, namely water heating, other appliances and heating. Moreover other three categories consumed slow proportion of energy. However, cooling and refrigeration in Australian household energy used double the figure for greenhouse gas emissions. Looking at chart in more detail, it is evident that the amount of energy which was consumed in Australian household gratest proportion of water heating, which represented 30% in addition greenhouse gas also nearly similar percentage. The amount of gas which was emitted in other appliances was considerably higher than that of cooling. The use of energy in heating was largest proportion while greenhouse gas emission figure for this category wast just 15%. Turning to the remaining two data set, it can be clear that the amount of energy was consumed and greenhouse gas emission was almost similar percentage. By contrast energy used in 7% while greenhouse gas emission were double which represented 14%.
Pair of pie chart illustrate the consumption of
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energy
and the
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greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
in terms of six
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important
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categories
in Australian
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household
.
Overall
, it can be
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seen
that Australian
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household
spent
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largest
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proportion
of their
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energy
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
three
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categories
,
namely
water
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heating
, other appliances and
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heating
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
other three
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categories
consumed slow
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proportion
of
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energy
.
However
, cooling and refrigeration in Australian
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household
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
double the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
. Looking at chart in more detail, it is evident that the amount of
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energy
which
was consumed
in Australian
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household
Possible spelling mistake found.
gratest
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proportion
of water
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heating
, which represented 30%
in addition
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greenhouse
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gas
also
nearly
similar percentage. The amount of
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gas
which
was emitted
in other appliances was
considerably
higher than that of cooling. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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energy
in
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heating
was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the largest".
largest
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proportion
while
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greenhouse
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gas
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emission
figure for this
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category
wast
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just
15%. Turning to the remaining two data set, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the amount of
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energy
was consumed
and
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
was almost similar percentage. By contrast
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in 7% while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
were double which represented 14%.
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IELTS academic The graph below show the percentage of household energy used and the amount of green house gases produced in Austray

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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