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The two charts below give information about how many entrances into Olympics since it began. Write 150 words

The two charts below give information about how many entrances into Olympics since it began. Write 150 words WmXEa
The bar chart below indicates how many males and females were entered into Olympics since they started and the line graph below depicts the total number of athletes into Olympics. The Units of measurement are in thousands. Overall, the number of athletes in Olympics had maintained a constant steady and significant growth over the period; Although males were more when compared to females, while there were less number of females in the beginning; however they showed a drastic rise by the end of the period and maintained equal to males. To begin with the line graph, there were only 3000 members were entered into Olympics in the year 1924, it showed a slight rise in 1952 with 5000 members, whereas in 1984 it crossed above 6000 people; and finally there was a constant and dramatic increase to 11000 people in 2012. As for the bar chart, only 3000 males were enrolled in Olympics for the year 1924, But in 1952 females of 500 people were enrolled and males were about 4500, followed by, the number of male athletes entered were 5000 and females were 1500, however by 2012, males and females were nearly equal with 6000 and 5000 respectively.
The bar chart below indicates how
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many
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males
and
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females
were entered
into Olympics since they
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started
and the line graph below depicts the total
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number
of athletes into Olympics. The Units of measurement are in thousands.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of athletes in Olympics had maintained a constant steady and significant growth over the period; Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were more when compared to
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females
, while there were less
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number
of
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females
in the beginning;
however
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a drastic rise by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period and maintained equal to
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males
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the line graph, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3000 members
were entered
into Olympics in the year 1924, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a slight rise in 1952 with 5000 members, whereas in 1984 it crossed above 6000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
; and
finally
there was a constant and dramatic increase to 11000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2012. As for the bar chart,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3000
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males
were enrolled
in Olympics for the year 1924,
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But
in 1952
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females
of 500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were enrolled
and
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males
were about 4500, followed by, the
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number
of male athletes entered were 5000 and
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females
were 1500,
however
by 2012,
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males
and
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females
were
nearly
equal with 6000 and 5000
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The two charts below give information about how many entrances into Olympics since it began. Write 150 words

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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