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The graph depicts the comparison of males and females of participation rates for various lockdown activities in Saigon in 2020.

The graph depicts the comparison of males and females of participation rates for various lockdown activities in Saigon in 2020. J3aba
The graph depicts the comparison of males and females of participation rates for various lockdown activities in Saigon in 2020. Looking at the graph, it is apparent that males, while females accounted for almost the highest percentage of reading and exercising at home last season, men accounted for a very small percentage of those activities. In particular, reading is the activity that occupies the least proportion in males’ schedules. A quick glance at data shows that the ladies enjoy exercising and reading books the most, accounting for nearly 75% of the total, while males enjoyed similar activities less than seven times as much, at 12% and 18%, respectively. Furthermore, self-study is the least popular option for both women and men, accounting for 10% and 15% of the total. Taking a look at other data sets, investment is one of the few standalone activities with the same amount of participants, at 40%. Furthermore, men spent 60% of their time watching television, which is four times as much as women, who spent 15% of their time doing so.
The graph depicts the comparison of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females of participation rates for various lockdown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in Saigon in 2020.

Looking at the graph, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
, while females accounted for almost the highest percentage of reading and exercising at home last season,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
accounted for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
In particular
, reading is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that occupies the least proportion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males’
schedules.

A quick glance at data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the ladies enjoy exercising and reading books the most, accounting for
nearly
75% of the total, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
enjoyed similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
less than seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
as much, at 12% and 18%,
respectively
.
Furthermore
, self-study is the least popular option for both women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, accounting for 10% and 15% of the total.

Taking a look at other data sets, investment is one of the few standalone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with the same amount of participants, at 40%.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
spent 60% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television, which is four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
as much as women, who spent 15% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
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IELTS academic The graph depicts the comparison of males and females of participation rates for various lockdown activities in Saigon in 2020.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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