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The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home 0P8l
The given is graph providing a comparison of daily electricity consumption during the two different seasons of the year (winter and summer) in England, while four purposes of electricity usage are revealed by the pie chart. Overall, demand for electricity during the winter days increases considerably comparing with daily summer electricity consumption due to usage of heating system which is the most electricity used area. Remarkably, during the winter days English people uses two-times more electricity rather than summer days with approximately 40000 and 20000 units respectively. During the winter days, more electricity is used at 3 am which is followed by moderate growth in the noon before showing downward trend with 30000 units of electricity. Interestingly, changing direction of amount of electricity units in summer days is almost identical to the winter trend, differing by 20000 units. Afternoon, the gap between the two widens for about 5000 units due to slow decrease of daily summer electricity usage. After 9 pm demand for electricity starts to rise in both seasons with showing its peak usage (50000units) in winter and 20000 units in summer day which continues with slight decline. Total amount of electricity is used for different purposes. More than half of it allocated for heating rooms and heating water ( 52, 5%). Lighting, TV and radio requires as same amount of electricity as household devices such as vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric tools with showing 15% for each. Remained part of the electricity is allocated for kitchen devices.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is graph providing a comparison of daily
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electricity
consumption during the two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
seasons of the year
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(winter
and
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summer)
in England, while four purposes of
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electricity
usage
are revealed
by the pie chart.

Overall
, demand for
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electricity
during the
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winter
days increases
considerably
comparing with daily
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summer
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electricity
consumption due to usage of heating system which is the most
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electricity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
area.

Remarkably
, during the
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winter
days English
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
uses
two-times more
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electricity
rather
than
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summer
days with approximately 40000 and 20000
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units
respectively
. During the
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winter
days, more
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electricity
is
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used
at 3 am which
is followed
by moderate growth in the noon
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before
showing downward trend with 30000
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units
of
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electricity
.
Interestingly
, changing direction of amount of
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electricity
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units
in
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summer
days is almost identical to the
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winter
trend, differing by 20000
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units
. Afternoon, the gap between the two widens for about 5000
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units
due to slow decrease of daily
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summer
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electricity
usage.

After 9 pm demand for
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electricity
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starts
to rise in both seasons with showing its peak usage
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(50000units)
in
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winter
and 20000
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units
in
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summer
day which continues with slight decline. Total amount of
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electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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different
purposes. More than half of it allocated for heating rooms and heating water
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
52, 5%). Lighting, TV and radio requires as same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
as household devices such as vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric tools with showing 15% for each. Remained part of the
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electricity
is allocated
for kitchen devices.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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