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The graph and chart below give information about 3D cinema screens and film releases

A glance at two charts given reveals various figures regarding the worldwide release of 3D digital screens and 3D movies over a certain period since 2005, and the bar graph also classified the global 3D film releases into 2 such genre as live action and animation. In overall, both 3D screens and film releases increased in a similar pattern worldwide, which rose steadily in the first years (2005 -2008), at which soared dramatically in the final years (2009-2012). First of all, the number of global 3D digital screens saw a very slight rise in the first years with approximately 2, 000 units launched in 2008, and then suddenly soared to the high of around 37, 000 releases 4 years later. Likewise, the worldwide 3D cinema releases were in a similar pattern to that of digital screens, climbed dramatically to the peak of over 70 films in 2012. With regards to release of 3D films, in the first years since 2005, there was only animation genre with roughly less than 5 movies, and then this number grew rapidly by 5 times to reached nearly 25 movies in 2012. Live action genre, on the other hand, was launched after the animation at a mere 5 films in 2009, after which this figure was more than twice the number of animation releases and became an outweighing position with nearly 55 movies in 2012.
A glance at two charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
reveals various figures regarding the worldwide
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release
of 3D digital
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screens
and 3D
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movies
over a certain period since 2005, and the bar graph
also
classified the global 3D film
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releases
into 2 such
Possible agreement error. The noun ‘genre’ seems to be countable, so consider using: “genres”.
genre
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
action and animation.

In
overall
, both 3D
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screens
and film
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releases
increased in a similar pattern worldwide, which rose
steadily
in the
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first
years (2005 -2008), at which soared
dramatically
in the final years (2009-2012).

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the number of global 3D digital
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screens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slight rise in the
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first
years with approximately 2, 000 units launched in 2008, and then
suddenly
soared to the high of around 37, 000
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releases
4 years later.
Likewise
, the worldwide 3D cinema
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releases
were in a similar pattern to that of digital
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screens
, climbed
dramatically
to the peak of over 70 films in 2012.

Use “in regard to”, “with regard to”, or more simply “regarding”.
With regards to
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release
of 3D films, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
years since 2005, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
animation genre with roughly less than 5
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movies
, and then this number grew
rapidly
by 5 times to reached
nearly
25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in 2012.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Live
action genre,
on the other hand
,
was launched
after the animation at a mere 5 films in 2009, after which this figure was more than twice the number of animation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
releases
and became an outweighing position with
nearly
55
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in 2012.
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IELTS academic The graph and chart below give information about 3D cinema screens and film releases

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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