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The chart below shows 4 types of holiday accommodation chosen by people in Britain in 2012

The chart below shows 4 types of holiday accommodation chosen by people in Britain in 2012 lLPJK
The bar chart illustrates types of holiday accommodation chosen by people in four countries of the UK in 2010. Overall, self-catering and hotel among other 4 types were the most preferable choice in almost all countries in the United Kingdom except for Northern Ireland, where most people chose to stay in caravan and hotel. Furthermore, few people considered caravan and camping as a perfect venue for holidays of that four types. In England, Scotland and Wales, hotel was the most popular type of holiday accommodation, accounting for 53%, 51% and just under 50% of all categories respectively in 2012. Similarly, high percentage of people in these places chose self-catering as their holiday accommodation, which was well above a quarter. In comparison, the least percentage (5-10%) of people preferred caravan and camping to hotel and self-catering as places for holiday accommodation. Meanwhile, more people in Northern Ireland preferred hotel and caravan than other two options. As they made approximately 75% choice of all Britains in there altogether. Self-catering and camping, on the other hand, accounted for about 11% and 13% respectively in 2012, being the least popular venue for holiday accommodation.
The bar chart illustrates types of
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holiday
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accommodation
chosen by
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people
in four countries of the UK in 2010.

Overall
, self-catering and
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hotel
among other 4 types were the most preferable choice in almost all countries in the United Kingdom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Northern Ireland, where most
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people
chose to stay in
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caravan
and
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hotel
.
Furthermore
, few
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people
considered
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caravan
and camping as a perfect venue for
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holidays
of that four types.

In England, Scotland and Wales,
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hotel
was the most popular type of
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holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
, accounting for 53%, 51% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 50% of all categories
respectively
in 2012.
Similarly
, high percentage of
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people
in these places chose self-catering as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
, which was well above a quarter.
In comparison
, the least percentage (5-10%) of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caravan
and camping to
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hotel
and self-catering as places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
accommodation.

Meanwhile, more
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people
in Northern Ireland preferred
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hotel
and
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caravan
than other two options.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they made approximately 75% choice of all
Possible spelling mistake found.
Britains
in
Did you mean "their"?
there
altogether. Self-catering and camping,
on the other hand
, accounted for about 11% and 13%
respectively
in 2012, being the least popular venue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows 4 types of holiday accommodation chosen by people in Britain in 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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