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Percentages of using different types of vehicle in countries

Percentages of using different types of vehicle in countries KlENL
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of using car, motorcycle, and bicycle of young people in Greate Britain, USA, Germany and France. Overall, car is the most popular chosen vehicle type in all countries, except for Germany, while motorcycle is the least prevalent one. Great Britain and USA experience the same percentage of using car (roughly 60%), which is double as much as the figure of the second chosen type that is bicycle and motorcycle (just under 30%), respectively. The proportions of people using motorcyle in Greate Britain and bicyle in USA just occupy the same minority of about 10%, which is the least rate compared to all preferences in all regions. The percentages of people who use car and bicycle in Germany are almost same at 40%, more or less, while there is a huge difference in using car and bicycle in France with a massive 75% and 15% respectively. There are few people choosing motorcycle as daily vehicle in both Germany and France with around 10% - 15%.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of using
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car
, motorcycle, and
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bicycle
of young
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people
in
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Greate
Britain, USA, Germany and France.

Overall
,
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car
is the most popular chosen vehicle type in all countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Germany, while motorcycle is the least prevalent one.

Great Britain and USA experience the same percentage of using
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car
(roughly 60%), which is double as much as the figure of the second chosen type
that is
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bicycle
and motorcycle (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 30%),
respectively
. The proportions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
Possible spelling mistake found.
motorcyle
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Greate
Britain and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bicyle
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
occupy the same minority of about 10%, which is the least rate compared to all preferences in all regions.

The percentages of
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
in Germany are almost same at 40%, more or less, while there is a huge difference in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
in France with a massive 75% and 15%
respectively
. There are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing motorcycle as daily vehicle in both Germany and France with around 10%
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
15%.
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IELTS academic Percentages of using different types of vehicle in countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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