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The below mentioned graph describe the cinema attendance by age in Great Britain.

The below mentioned graph describe the cinema attendance by age in Great Britain. PWVkB
The line graph compares the proportion of UK people in different age groups who attend the cinema between 1984 and 2000. It can be seen that there had been a dramatic increase in the percentage of people who go to the cinema in Great Britain. However, not all age groups had attended regularly. Over the period, the biggest growth was in the percentage of the 15- to- 24- year- olds. This has surged by almost 38%, from 16% to 54%. Thare had been a climb of 27% in the proportion of the 25- 35 age bracket. The percentage of the youngest group attending the cinema had continually fluctuated- 10% in 1984, rising to about 39% in 1999 and then declining to approximately 31% in 2000. Starting at 1% and gradually increasing in ace towards the end, the proportion of those who are 35 and above were the most stable.
The line graph compares the proportion of UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups who attend the cinema between 1984 and 2000. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there had been a dramatic increase in the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who go to the cinema in Great Britain.
However
, not all age groups had attended
regularly
. Over the period, the biggest growth was in the percentage of the 15- to- 24- year- olds. This has surged by almost 38%, from 16% to 54%.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thare
had been a climb of 27% in the proportion of the
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
25- 35
age bracket. The percentage of the youngest group attending the cinema had
continually
fluctuated- 10% in 1984, rising to about 39% in 1999 and then declining to approximately 31% in 2000. Starting at 1% and
gradually
increasing in ace towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the proportion of those who are 35 and above were the most stable.
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IELTS academic The below mentioned graph describe the cinema attendance by age in Great Britain.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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