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the bar graph illuatrate

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The presented bar graph demonstrates the proportions of both genders that reside in Ho Chi Minh city getting involved in indoor activities, categorized into six brackets, during the time of physical distancing in the year 2020. As is illustrated by the chart, a huge number of women participants performed physical activities while men spent a great deal of time watching television. It is also worth pointing out that the participation rate of males and females in business activities shared a similar pattern in the provided year. A quick glance at the chart reveals that in 2020, the percentage of females participating in cooking activities was 70%, which was about seven times higher than that of their male counterparts. When it comes to exercising and reading books, women shared the same rate in both activities, which was approximately 80%. However, the proportion of men taking part in physical activities was nearly a fifth. This figure was twofold by the rate of those reading books in the same gender. Turning to the remaining statistics, 60% of males watching TV during quarantine was recorded, and this figure was three times greater than the rate of women participating in the same activity. It is also evident that the percentage of women practising self-learning was lower than that of their male counterparts. Additionally, the proportions of both men and women engaging in investing activities were precisely the same.
The presented bar graph demonstrates the proportions of both genders that reside in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
getting involved in indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, categorized into six brackets, during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of physical distancing in the year 2020.

As
is illustrated
by the chart, a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
participants performed physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
spent a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television. It is
also
worth pointing out that the participation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females in business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
shared a similar pattern in the provided year.

A quick glance at the chart reveals that in 2020, the percentage of females participating in cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
was 70%, which was about seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
higher than that of their male counterparts. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to exercising and reading books,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
shared the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which was approximately 80%.
However
, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
taking part in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
was
nearly
a fifth. This figure was twofold by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of those reading books in the same gender.

Turning to the remaining statistics, 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
watching TV during quarantine
was recorded
, and this figure was three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
greater than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
participating in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. It is
also
evident that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
self-learning was lower than that of their male counterparts.
Additionally
, the proportions of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
engaging in investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
were
precisely
the same.
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IELTS academic the bar graph illuatrate

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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