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Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. 93Pp
The given line graph illustrates the alterations of different kind of crimes( burglary, car theft and robbery) that had committed in Newport city centre from 2003 to 2012. This data of crimes is calibrated in number of incidents. Overall, it is evident that car theft and robbery showed a similar trend, with almost remained same number of incidents throughout the period; however, burglary had experienced a downward trend despite higher number of incidents took place in beginning. Regards to car theft and robbery, both of these crimes demonstrated quite similar trend in which car theft was higher in number of incidents as compared to robbery. Car theft incidents began at almost 2800 in number, and had a fluctuations from 2005 to 2011. Ultimately, this had finished with greater number of incidents committed at the year 2012. Likewise, robbery started with just above 500 in 2003 and showed slight variations until 2012. In contrast, taking about burglary, the number of burglary crimes stood at below 3500 before slight increase in figure upto 3500 in 2004. Then, this rate of incidents dropped dramatically till 2008 with bottomed out at 1100 in number in 2008. Although it was most renowned for greatest number of incidents underwent in commencing year, it had finished in second place which was followed by robbery in 2012.
The
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given
line graph illustrates the alterations of
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different
kind of crimes
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
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burglary
,
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car
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theft
and
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robbery)
that had committed in Newport city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
from 2003 to 2012. This data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is calibrated
in
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number
of incidents.

Overall
, it is evident that
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car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a similar trend, with almost remained same
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number
of
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incidents
throughout the period;
however
,
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burglary
had experienced a downward trend despite higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
took place in beginning.

Regards to
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car
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theft
and
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robbery
, both of these
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crimes
demonstrated quite similar trend in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
was higher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
as compared to
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robbery
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
began at almost 2800 in
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number
, and had
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a fluctuation" or simply "fluctuations"?
a fluctuations
from 2005 to 2011.
Ultimately
, this had finished with greater
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number
of
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incidents
committed at the year 2012.
Likewise
,
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robbery
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started
with
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just
above 500 in 2003 and
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showed
slight variations until 2012.

In contrast
, taking about
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burglary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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burglary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
stood at below 3500
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before
slight increase in figure
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
3500 in 2004. Then, this rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
dropped
dramatically
till 2008 with bottomed out at 1100 in
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number
in 2008. Although it was most renowned for greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
underwent in commencing year, it had finished in second place which
was followed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
in 2012.
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IELTS academic Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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