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some people said that the government and individuals are spending too much money on celebrationg national events. Do you agree or disagree?

some people said that the government and individuals are spending too much money on celebrationg national events. rGwqN
Whether government and individuals overspend money on festivals and celebrations or not is a matter of debate. While I agree that both of them use a great amount of money for organizing some festivals such as Lunar New Year or Women Day, I also hold the opinion that these kinds of events could have a myriad of benefits. To begin with, it is true that there are large sums of money spending on memorizing numerous events. Firstly, in terms of government, they have to pay for renting the private place in order to hold the celebration as well as employees who are responsible for carrying out these festivals. Furthermore, a great amount of public money is spent for importing firework annually to serve all citizens. Secondly, as it is a rare chance to have a party, people tend to make a banquet with full of traditional cuisine which may equal to their monthly salaries. These activities could account for a large number of total state budget and individual’s money. On the other hand, some benefits could be considered when it comes to organizing festivals. Firstly, thanks to the celebration, the government could raise resident’s awareness about the traditional value of ancestors and enhance their patriotism. Secondly, since it is hard for family members to have time to enjoy together, it is understandable that people would want to spend money on something helping them to capture memorable moments. As all the advantages of celebrations, the excessive amount of money for holding these parties is acceptable. In conclusion, I partly agree with the statement that people and government waste money for national occasions due to their benefits mentioned above.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals overspend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
or not is a matter of debate. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that both of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
such as Lunar New Year or Women Day, I
also
hold the opinion that these kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
could have a myriad of benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that there are large sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spending on memorizing numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Firstly
, in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for renting the private place in order to hold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
as well
as employees who are responsible for carrying out these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
Furthermore
, a great amount of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spent
for importing firework
annually
to serve all citizens.
Secondly
, as it is a rare chance to have a party,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a banquet with full of traditional cuisine which may equal to their monthly salaries. These activities could account for
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
total state budget and individual’s money.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits could
be considered
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
Firstly
, thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could raise resident’s awareness about the traditional value of ancestors and enhance their patriotism.
Secondly
, since it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for family members to have time to enjoy together, it is understandable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would want to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on something helping them to capture memorable moments. As all the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
, the excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for holding these parties is acceptable.

In conclusion
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for national occasions due to their benefits mentioned above.

IELTS academic some people said that the government and individuals are spending too much money on celebrationg national events.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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