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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT TECHNOLOGY HAS MADE MAN MORE SOCIAL. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT TECHNOLOGY HAS MADE MAN MORE SOCIAL. WITH THIS OPINION l78B1
Nowadays it commonly believed that new technology is helping people to socialise more. In my opinion, although new technology made communication easy, increase the perception of being closer, it also decreases the ability to engage in human relationship and be able to have proper communication. The advent of communication technologies such as WhatsApp or new social media such us Facebook or Instagram, in modern time have dramatically increased the opportunity to communicate with our connections independently by their geographical locations. This have allowed people to be in touch with friend or relatives located all over the world and reconnect people that have been separated in their childhood. This is why majority think that humans are now more social than ever before. On the other hand, this phenomenon has reduced human contact almost to none, it is everyday more common to see people sit at the same table staring at their phone and not having any kind of interaction, as fast as we became able to communicate with people on the other side of the world, we are losing the ability to create relationship with the very next one. Eventually even kids rather to play online instead of the neighbourhood playground. In conclusion, despite the fact that communication technology improvement is a very powerful tool for those who need to keep in touch with their loved ones, it should be made aware people that human relationship is very important in order to be able to have feelings that are about to disappear, such as respect, kindness, compassion and more.
Nowadays it
commonly
believed that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
more. In my opinion, although new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
made communication easy, increase the perception of being closer, it
also
decreases the ability to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
relationship and be able to have proper communication.

The advent of communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
such as WhatsApp or new social media such us Facebook or Instagram, in modern time have
dramatically
increased the opportunity to communicate with our connections
independently
by their geographical locations.
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "This has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be in touch with friend or relatives located all over the world and reconnect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have
been separated
in their childhood. This is why majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more social than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

On the other hand
, this phenomenon has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
contact almost to none, it is everyday more common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sit at the same table staring at their phone and not having any kind of interaction, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as we became able to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the other side of the world, we are losing the ability to create relationship with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
next
one.
Eventually
even kids
rather
to play online
instead
of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
playground.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
improvement is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful tool for those who need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, it should
be made
aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
relationship is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in order to be able to have feelings that are about to disappear, such as respect, kindness, compassion and more.

IELTS academic SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT TECHNOLOGY HAS MADE MAN MORE SOCIAL. WITH THIS OPINION

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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