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Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the wold

The pie charts provide information on the proportion of water utilized for various goals in six regions of the world namely: North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia. It would suffice to take a glance at the pie charts to realize that the highest percentage of water used for agricultural purposes in Africa and Asia countries. While about half of water is utilized for industrial fields in Europe and North America. Also, the ratio of industrial water consumption rages from 5% to 12% in Africa and Asia areas. A more detailed look makes it clear that more than 80% of water consumption goes to agricultural use in Africa and Asia countries. while this percentage is only 32% in Europe and 39% in North America. It is also worth noting that The amount of water used for industrial needs is negligible in Africa and Central Asia regions, in contrast, it is the biggest number in North America and Europe.
The pie charts provide information on the proportion of
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water
utilized for various goals in six regions of the world
namely
:
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North
America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia.

It would suffice to take a glance at the pie charts to realize that the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for agricultural purposes in Africa and Asia countries. While about half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is utilized
for industrial fields in Europe and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
North
America.
Also
, the ratio of industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption rages from 5% to 12% in Africa and Asia areas.

A more detailed look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that more than 80% of
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water
consumption goes to agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in Africa and Asia countries.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
while
this percentage is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
32% in Europe and 39% in
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North
America. It is
also
worth noting that The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for industrial needs is negligible in Africa and Central Asia regions,
in contrast
, it is the biggest number in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
North
America and Europe.
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IELTS academic Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the wold

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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