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percentage of people ate five portion of fruit and vegetable in UK

percentage of people ate five portion of fruit and vegetable in UK Pr1Y2
The bar chart represent information about percentage of UK people consisted of (men, women and children) who ate five times daily different types of fruits and vegetables over a eight years period. Overall the chart shows an increase for the percentage of people for five times during a period of time between 2001 and 2008. According to the chart the percentage of men between 2001 and 2003 was stable of around 17 percent, then it increased gradually to almost 27 percent in 2006 and it was decreased to almost 20 percent in 2008. On the other hand the pattern for the women increased dramatically between 2001 and 2003 to almost above 20 percent, then it slightly decreased to almost 30 percent in 2008. for the children the chart was stable between 2001 and 2003 of almost 12 percent then it increased dramatically to almost 25 percent in 2007 and after that it slightly decreased in 2008.
The bar
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chart
represent information about percentage of UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consisted of (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, women and children) who ate five times daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of fruits and vegetables over
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
eight years period.
Overall
the
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
an increase for the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for five times during a period of time between 2001 and 2008. According to the
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chart
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
between 2001 and 2003 was stable of around 17
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percent
, then it increased
gradually
to
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almost
27
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percent
in 2006 and it
was decreased
to
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almost
20
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percent
in 2008.
On the other hand
the pattern for the women increased
dramatically
between 2001 and 2003 to
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almost
above 20
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percent
, then it
slightly
decreased to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2008.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
the children the
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chart
was stable between 2001 and 2003 of
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almost
12
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percent
then it increased
dramatically
to
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almost
25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2007 and after that it
slightly
decreased in 2008.
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IELTS academic percentage of people ate five portion of fruit and vegetable in UK

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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