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percentage of intake of sodium

percentage of intake of sodium pRRy2
The given pie charts illustrates the percentage of daily intake of different nutrients an average person consumes in USA in each meal. The daily nutrients include sodium, saturated fat and added sugar. The first pie diagram shows that dinner has the highest percentage of sodium (43%), followed by lunch (29%). Snacks and breakfast contain the same amount of sodium which accumulates to around 14% each. Saturated fats also show a similar trend as sodium with dinner containing the highest amount of fats ( 37%), followed by lunch (26%), snacks (21%), breakfast ( 16%). The last pie chart shows the presence of added sugar in each meal and snacks. Around 42 % of added sugar is present in snacks. Breakfast contains the same amount of added sugar and saturated fat around 16% each. 23% of added sugar was consumed while having dinner and 19% was consumed while having lunch. It is also evident that breakfast contains the least amount of sodium, saturated fats and added sugar. Overall, dinner contains the highest amount of sodium and saturated fat while snacks contain the highest amount of added sugar in a meal that an average person in USA consumes daily.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrates the percentage of daily intake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nutrients an average person consumes
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
in each meal. The daily nutrients include sodium,
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
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added
sugar.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
first
pie diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
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dinner
has the highest percentage of sodium (43%), followed by lunch (29%).
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Snacks
and
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breakfast
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contain
the same
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amount
of sodium which accumulates to around 14% each.
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Saturated
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fats
also
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show
a similar trend as sodium with
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dinner
containing the highest
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
37%), followed by lunch (26%),
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snacks
(21%),
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breakfast
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
16%). The last pie chart
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shows
the presence of
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added
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sugar
in each meal and
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snacks
. Around 42 % of
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added
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sugar
is present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Breakfast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contains
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
around 16% each. 23% of
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added
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sugar
was consumed
while having
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dinner
and 19%
was consumed
while having lunch. It is
also
evident that
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breakfast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contains
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of sodium,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
sugar.

Overall
,
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dinner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contains
the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contain
the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in a meal that an average person
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
consumes daily.
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IELTS academic percentage of intake of sodium

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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