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percentage of employed men and women

percentage of employed men and women L3ww3
The set of bar charts illustrates the percentage of employed men and women in Canada South Korea and Sweden for 2005 and 2015. In 2005 it is clearly seen that the number of men in employment was significantly greater than that of a women out of the three countries Sweden had nearly 78% men working and approximately 45% women. On the contrary the employment gap in the South Korea was notable less 30% women were compared to 75 of their counterparts in Canada for health is 60% age and 40 percentage ratio of a man and a woman was seen. Over the period of 10 years the employment and remained the same with reference to women and men. Interestingly South Korea Surpassed Sweden with almost 80% man in work sector in the former while 70% in the letter for women. There was a positive growth in both the countries that is average 55% in Sweden and more than 30% in South Korea in Canada. There was an overall surge in employment ratio for both the gender namely 75% in men and 55% in women. overall the percentage of working people increased over the span of time and also the proportion of women exhibited the most remarkable rise.
The set of bar charts illustrates the percentage of employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Canada South Korea and Sweden for 2005 and 2015.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "2005, it".
2005 it
is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
was
significantly
greater than that of a
'woman' is the singular form of 'women'. Consider using "woman".
women
out of the three countries Sweden had
nearly
78%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
working and approximately 45%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
On the contrary
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
gap in the South Korea was notable less 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were compared
to 75 of their counterparts in Canada for health is 60% age and 40 percentage
Possible agreement error. The noun 'ratio' seems to be countable, so consider using: "ratios".
ratio
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and a woman was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

Over the period of 10 years the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
and remained the same with reference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Interestingly
South Korea Surpassed Sweden with almost 80%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in work sector in the former while 70% in the letter for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. There was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth in both the countries
that is
average 55% in Sweden and more than 30% in South Korea in Canada. There was an
overall
surge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
ratio for both the gender
namely
75% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and 55% in women.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
the percentage of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
increased over the span of time and
also
the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
exhibited the most remarkable rise.
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IELTS academic percentage of employed men and women

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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