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online shopping in Australia, Canada and UK

online shopping in Australia, Canada and UK 2anDw
The chart illustrates the percentage of items and aids the citizens in Australia, Canada and the United Kingdom purchased online in the previous year. These purchases include toys, food and drink, financial services, DVDs, music, computer equipment and books. One of the first things to note is that music, books, and computer equipment are very popular purchases. These purchases reached over 35% in all three countries. In contrast to toys and financial services, both of which are under 20% in each country. Another thing to note is that citizens of the United Kingdom made more online purchases than the other countries, except in the toys and financial services category. More specifically, the UK contributed roughly 67% to the online music sales. That number is much higher than both Australia and Canada. In conclusion, there are many goods that can be purchased online. Ranging from edibles to services. What differs is the amount of people willing to buy those items.
The chart illustrates the percentage of items and aids the citizens in Australia, Canada and the United Kingdom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
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online
in the previous year. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchases
include toys, food and drink, financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, DVDs, music, computer equipment and books.

One of the
first
things to note is that music, books, and computer equipment are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchases
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchases
reached over 35% in all three countries.
In contrast
to toys and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, both of which are under 20% in each country.

Another thing to note is that citizens of the United Kingdom made more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchases
than the other countries, except in the toys and financial
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "services'" or "service's"?
services
category. More
specifically
, the UK contributed roughly 67% to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
music sales. That number is much higher than both Australia and Canada.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Ranging from edibles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. What differs is the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those items.
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IELTS academic online shopping in Australia, Canada and UK

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
159 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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