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Most modern families have both their parents working and as a result they spend less time with them. What are the causes of this? What problems it causes?

Most modern families have both their parents working and as a result they spend less time with them. What are the causes of this? What problems it causes? BwGM6
Nowadays, both men and women in a family are occupied with a job, which would lead to dedicating less time to their children. There are many possible reasons for this decision, which could result in a number of consequences for their children. Many factors can be considered for the involvement of both parents in a profession. The first reason is trying to afford all the expenses of life. At present, parents are working extra hours to share rising living costs owing to the fact that the cost of living has risen. Therefore, in order to fulfil their family members’ need, they should have equal responsibilities for paying the living. Another point is that both of parents have the same tendency to pursue their own goals and become an independent and successful person in life. Compared to the past, more opportunities are given to women for education, so they much prefer to be employed in a career in which they had been educated. Many negative impacts can be expected for spending less time with children. To begin with, children’s mental development can be affected. They may face many problems at school, the guidance of their parents is needed to handle this. When parents spend insufficient time with their children, they have no one to express their feeling and difficulties. They, consequently, may feel depressed and not loved, which can cause behavioural problems. Another impact is related to their academic performance. When both parents are busy with their work, they cannot help them with their homework. As a result, children can perform poorly in their studies. In other words, it is undeniable that parents’ involvement in children's assignments, make them more determined to study and achieve better educational results. In conclusion, although most parents are both involved in a career because of the mentioned factors the influences that it has on children’s personal life and psychological growth cannot be denied.
Nowadays, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in a family
are occupied
with a job, which would lead to dedicating less

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible reasons for this decision, which could result in a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
number


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
consequences for their children.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
factors can
be considered
for the involvement of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a profession. The
first
reason is trying to afford all the expenses of life. At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working extra hours to share rising living costs

owing to the fact that the cost of living has risen.
Therefore
, in order to fulfil their family members’

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
need
, they should have equal responsibilities for paying the living. Another point is that both of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
parents


have the same tendency to pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals and become an independent and successful person in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
life
. Compared to the past, more opportunities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to women for education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they much prefer to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
employed
in a career in which they had
been educated
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
for spending less time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
development


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
can
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. They may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems at school, the guidance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is needed
to handle this. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend insufficient time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they have no one to express
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
their


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
feeling
and difficulties. They,
consequently
, may feel depressed and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
, which can cause

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
behavioural
problems. Another impact
is related
to their academic performance. When both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
busy
with their work, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with their homework.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
perform


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
poorly
in their studies.
In other words
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
involvement in children's assignments,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
more


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
determined
to study and achieve better educational results.

In conclusion
, although most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are both involved in a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the mentioned factors

the influences that it has on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personal life and psychological growth cannot
be denied
.
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IELTS academic Most modern families have both their parents working and as a result they spend less time with them. What are the causes of this? What problems it causes?

Academic
  American English
16 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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