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Money spent on music in Ireland

Money spent on music in Ireland 7W83n
The given pie charts illustrate alterations and comparisons in the percentage of money expanded on music in Northern Ireland in 2005, 2008 and 2011. It can be seen from the graph that people spent more on digital downloads while using CDs showed a reverse pattern over a 6-year period. Profits made from people downloading music digitally witnessed a sevenfold increase from 6% in 2005 to reach a peak of more than two-fifths in 2011. This number is nearly 2 times higher than that made by CDs users in the given year, making it the most profitable way among the other four. In contrast, CDs users occupied a vast majority (61%) in the first year of the investigation before plummeting substantially to just over a quarter in the next 6 years. During the whole research, figures for concerts and other resources remained stable at approximately 27% and 2%, respectively.
The
given
pie charts illustrate alterations and comparisons in the percentage of money expanded on music in Northern Ireland in 2005, 2008 and 2011.

It can be
seen
from the graph that
people
spent more on digital downloads while using CDs
showed
a reverse pattern over a
6-year
period.

Profits made from
people
downloading music
digitally
witnessed a sevenfold increase from 6% in 2005 to reach a peak of more than two-fifths in 2011. This number is
nearly
2 times higher than that made by CDs users in the
given
year
, making it the most profitable way among the other four.

In contrast
, CDs users occupied a vast majority (61%) in the
first
year
of the investigation
before
plummeting
substantially
to
just
over a quarter in the
next
6 years. During the whole research, figures for concerts and other resources remained stable at approximately 27% and 2%,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Money spent on music in Ireland

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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