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Married Husband and wives paid working hours

with a quick look, we can see that men are more likely to work out of the home than women in all age groups. but interestingly the chart shows that whilst men's working hours get lower by the grow old, likewise women total working hours get higher. the highest total working hours belongs to wives aged 45-64 while the lowest one belongs to men at the same age. women tend to work outside by growing older but men are the opposite. overall men paid working hours are slightly more than their wives in both age groups, but in the comparison between total working hours, wives are the most.
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with
a quick look, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
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men
are more likely to work out of the home than women in all age groups.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
but
interestingly
the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that whilst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lower by the
The word ‘grow’ is a verb. Did you mean the noun “growth”?
grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
likewise
women total
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
the
highest total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
belongs to wives aged 45-64 while the lowest one belongs to
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men
at the same age.
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women
tend to work outside by growing
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
older
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but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are the opposite.
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overall
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men
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are
slightly
more than their wives in both age groups,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the comparison between total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, wives are the most.

IELTS academic Married Husband and wives paid working hours

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
108 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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