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information regarding employment of young people in various 8 sectors in country from 2005 to 2010 the data given in the percentages.

information regarding employment of young people in various 8 sectors in country from 2005 to 2010 the data given in the percentages. kewRe
The given table illustrates the information regarding employment of young people in various 8 sectors in country from 2005 to 2010 the data given in the percentages. In 2005 youngest individuals work in a social service where is only 5% of youngsters work in agriculture and transport only 7% of people connected with the business in 2005 however it was increase in 2010 by 3% in 2005 the percentage was 21 and by 2010 it had experience a decrease to 14% for employment who work with manufacturing 150 people did job in shops restaurants and hotels in 2005 have ever it was inclined to 32% in 2010 during 2010 the number of social service workers was reduced and reached at 22% in other sector the number of youngster was also grown up from 8 % in 2005 to 10% in 2010. Overall it can be concluded that individual more interested to work in a social service where is in 2010 maturity people work in shop restaurant and hotels.
The
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given
table illustrates the information regarding employment of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various 8 sectors in country from 2005 to 2010 the data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the percentages.

In 2005 youngest individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a social service where is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in agriculture and transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connected with the business in 2005
however
it was increase in 2010 by 3% in 2005 the percentage was 21 and by 2010 it had experience a decrease to 14% for employment who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with manufacturing 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did job in shops restaurants and hotels in 2005 have ever it
was inclined
to 32% in 2010 during 2010 the number of social service workers was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and reached at 22% in other sector the number of youngster was
also
grown up from 8 % in 2005 to 10% in 2010.

Overall
it can
be concluded
that individual more interested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a social service where is in 2010 maturity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in shop restaurant and hotels.
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IELTS academic information regarding employment of young people in various 8 sectors in country from 2005 to 2010 the data given in the percentages.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
168 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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