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increase old generation in the USA, Sweden and Japan

increase old generation in the USA, Sweden and Japan 55yJP
The line chart shows that proportion of population aged 65 years and over during lately century in 3 countries. The population of old generation is gradually increased due to lots of reason. Any way in the USA and the Sweden from 1940 to 1980 improved together but in japan isn't seem this process. by the way after 90 years numbers of old people rocketed in Japan. One the other hand, its seem to be more than 25% of 65 years old in 2040 in these countries. between 2020 and 2040 numbers are getting rapidly boost and also you can see Japan which has lowest generation at begin, is going to get reach in 2040. Overall, good new is old wemen and men are going to live longer.
The line chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that proportion of population aged 65 years and over during lately century in 3 countries. The population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation is
gradually
increased due to lots of reason. Any way in the USA and the Sweden from 1940 to 1980
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in japan isn't seem this process.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
the way after 90 years numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rocketed in Japan.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, its seem to be more than 25% of 65 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
in 2040 in these countries.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
between
2020 and 2040 numbers are getting
rapidly
boost and
also
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Japan which has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
generation at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
reach in 2040.

Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
new is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Possible spelling mistake found.
wemen
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.
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IELTS academic increase old generation in the USA, Sweden and Japan

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
127 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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