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Imprisonment around different countries

Imprisonment around different countries JwrRD
The given graphic chart illustrates, bars for imprisonment in five different countries around the world, from 1930 to 1980. Overall, the five places are differentiated by distinct colors and having the points in the Y axis and the following years in the Y axis, additionally, the highest country that has more points in the most of the years is United States, moreover the lowest place is United Kingdom. To begin with, the UK, is having an important growth with the pass of the decades reaching a peak in 1980, in addition Australia has had fluctiations during 1930 and 1980 posses the lowest points of imprinsonment with 30 points approximately. New Zealand is one of the three countries that has a poor quantity of point pending the decades. United States has higher points of imprisonment than Great Britain, Australia and UK, reaching a top in 1980, furthermore Canada is the geographical place that beginnings with 120 in 1930, having a constant rise up until 1940, in contrast between 1960 and 1970 Canada starts to decrease the point of the imprisonment. To conclude Canada and USA are the places with the highest levels of retainer and New Zeland, Australia and UK are the lowest countries with this indicators of imprisonment.
The
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given
graphic chart illustrates, bars for
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imprisonment
in five
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different
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countries
around the world, from 1930 to 1980.

Overall
, the five
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places
are differentiated
by distinct colors and having the
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points
in the Y axis and the following years in the Y axis,
additionally
, the highest
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country
that has more
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points
in the most of the years
is United
States,
moreover
the lowest
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place
is United
Kingdom.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the UK, is having an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
growth with the pass of the decades reaching a peak in 1980,
in addition
Australia has had
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fluctiations
during 1930 and 1980 posses the lowest
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points
of
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imprinsonment
with 30
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points
approximately. New Zealand is one of the three
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countries
that has a poor quantity of
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point
pending the decades.

United States has higher
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points
of
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imprisonment
than Great Britain, Australia and UK, reaching a top in 1980,
furthermore
Canada is the geographical
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place
that beginnings with 120 in 1930, having a constant rise up until 1940,
in contrast
between 1960 and 1970 Canada
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of the
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imprisonment
.
To conclude
Canada and USA are the
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places
with the highest levels of retainer and New
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zeland
, Australia and UK are the lowest
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countries
with
Did you mean "these"?
this
indicators of
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imprisonment
.
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IELTS academic Imprisonment around different countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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