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Global Sales of Mobile phones for five companies for three specific years

Global Sales of Mobile phones for five companies for three specific years KnlA3
The above-supplied bar graph presents the sale of mobile phones by four brands namely Samsung, Nokia, Apple, Lg, and ZTE for three different years. The capital income is given in millions. In general, sales gradually increased for Apple, Samsung, and ZTE. On the other hand, it can be seen that the sales declined for the other two. It is clearly evident that the sales for the mobile phone reached their peak for Samsung in the year 2013. In the same year, sales plummeted to their lowest level for Nokia. To start with, Samsung sold mobile phones worth 220 million in its initial year. After three years, the sales skyrocketed and nearly doubled. In contrast, Nokia began with a sale of approximately 410 million. At the end of the third year, the sales had dived to their lowest point at almost half the initial turnover. Meanwhile, Apple sold an abysmal number of mobile phones in the first year. However, the sales gradually increased during the three years reaching over a hundred million. The same cannot be said for LG whose sales only sank during the same juncture. Initially selling around 110 million worth of mobile phones, the sales sank as low as nearly 60 million for the year 2013. As for the sales made by ZTE, the return was just acceptable having not made much difference. The sales only slightly increased from nearly half a million to approximately 80 million at the end of this period.
The above-supplied bar graph presents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
by four brands
namely
Samsung, Nokia, Apple, Lg, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
for three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years.

The capital income is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in millions.

In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
gradually
increased for Apple, Samsung, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
.
On the other hand
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
declined for the other two. It is
clearly
evident that the
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sales
for the mobile
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phone
reached their peak for Samsung in the
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year
2013. In the same
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year
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
plummeted to their lowest level for Nokia.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, Samsung sold mobile
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phones
worth 220
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million
in its initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. After three years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
skyrocketed and
nearly
doubled.
In contrast
, Nokia began with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of approximately 410
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
had dived to their lowest point at almost half the initial turnover.

Meanwhile, Apple sold an abysmal number of mobile
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phones
in the
first
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year
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
gradually
increased during the three years reaching over a hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. The same cannot
be said
for LG whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sank during the same juncture.
Initially
selling around 110
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
worth of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
sank as low as
nearly
60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2013. As for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
made by
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
, the return was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
acceptable having not made much difference. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slightly
increased from
nearly
half a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
to approximately 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this period.
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IELTS academic Global Sales of Mobile phones for five companies for three specific years

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
245 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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