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Describing differrent floors in a skyscraper

Describing differrent floors in a skyscraper oxYGq
The diagram illustrates the various usage destinations of the 160 floors of the world-renowned skyscraper Burj in Dubai. According to the illustration, seven of them can be identified. First, parking is situated in the basement. Second, floors 1 to 39 are assigned to a private hotel, in particular the highest two for suites. Next, the central portion of the high-rise building, accounting for the vast majority of floors, is for residential apartments, with premium ones in the upper part. Then, floors 122 to 124 house tourist attractions, such as an observatory and a restaurant. Next, corporate suites can be found in the higher portion of the skyscraper. Then, floors 156 to 159 are assigned to communications and broadcast. Finally, mechanical facilities can be found in the basement and in the highest floor. To conclude, it is evident that this outstanding piece of architecture was primarily intended for residential scopes.
The diagram illustrates the various usage destinations of the 160
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floors
of the world-renowned skyscraper
Possible spelling mistake found.
Burj
in Dubai.

According to the illustration, seven of them can
be identified
.

First
, parking
is situated
in the basement.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floors
1 to 39
are assigned
to a private hotel,
in particular
the highest two for suites.

Next
, the central portion of the high-rise building, accounting for the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floors
, is for residential apartments, with premium ones in the upper part.

Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floors
122 to 124
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
tourist attractions, such as an observatory and a restaurant.

Next
, corporate suites can
be found
in the higher portion of the skyscraper.

Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floors
156 to 159
are assigned
to communications and broadcast.

Finally
, mechanical facilities can
be found
in the basement and in the highest floor.

To conclude
, it is evident that this outstanding piece of architecture was
primarily
intended for residential scopes.
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IELTS academic Describing differrent floors in a skyscraper

Academic
  American English
10 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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