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Crime in the UK last year

Crime in the UK last year LwN66
The graphs illustrate the types of crime happened the last year in the UK which are 4 types: violent crime, property crime, drug crime, and public order crime. Also, it shows the relationship between age and crime. Overall, the most common age for crimes is 20 which represents is the highest crime rate. Moreover, the violent crime is the top type of crime in the last year. In terms of age, between 0 to 8 no crimes were recorded. However, from age 12 and above the crime rate started to increase. Between age 24 and 28 the crimes were decreased by 40 thousands and then started to drop by approx. 1 thousand. The most crime type is violent crime which is almost the half crimes happened the last year. On the other hand, public order crime is 9% which is the least crime type in the UK last year. While property and drug is approximately the same percentage.
The graphs illustrate the
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types
of
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crime
happened the last year in the UK which are 4
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types
: violent
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crime
, property
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crime
, drug
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crime
, and public order
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crime
.
Also
, it
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shows
the relationship between
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age
and crime.

Overall
, the most common
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age
for
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crimes
is 20 which represents is the highest
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crime
rate.
Moreover
, the violent
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crime
is the top
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type
of
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crime
in the
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
.

In terms of
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age
,
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 0 and 8".
between 0 to 8
no
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crimes
were recorded
.
However
, from
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age
12 and above the
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crime
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase. Between
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age
24 and 28 the
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crimes
were decreased
by 40 thousands and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to drop by approx. 1 thousand.

The most
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crime
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type
is violent
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crime
which is almost the half
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crimes
happened the last year.
On the other hand
, public order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is 9% which is the least
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crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
in the UK
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
. While property and drug is approximately the same percentage.
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IELTS academic Crime in the UK last year

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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