Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Comparison of proportions of learners in different schools

Comparison of proportions of learners in different schools 15OG7
The information supplied by the table chart is about the proportion of learners in four different sorts of high schools during 2000 and 2009. At first glance is seen that the number of pupils in each secondary school has suffered changes from the first to the last year of the data collected, two institutions increased their attendance rates, while others decreased on the same factor. As can bee seen in most of students in 2000 were enrolled in in voluntary-controlled schools, this type of institute had that year the highest rate, with a 58% of total. However, the quantity dramatically slumped to 20 % in 2009. Same situation happened with grammar school pupils, the attendance is minor in 2009, only a 12% of learners opted to this kind of institute while in 2000 were a 20% of them. On the other hand, in some high schools as community schools numbers reached its highest in 2009, becoming this choice the most selected within students, around the 58% in these years compared to its 12% in 2000. Finally, the specialist schools, which hadn’t suffered a dramatically drop of attendance, still steady in terms of enrolling, between 12 % and 10%.
The information supplied by the table chart is about the proportion of learners in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
during 2000 and 2009. At
first
glance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of pupils in each secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has suffered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from the
first
to the last year of the data collected, two institutions increased their attendance rates, while others decreased on the same factor.

As can bee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the students") or simply say "most students".
most of students
in 2000
were enrolled
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
voluntary-controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, this type of institute had that year the highest rate, with a 58% of total.
However
, the quantity
dramatically
slumped to 20 % in 2009. Same situation happened with grammar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils, the attendance is minor in 2009,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a 12% of learners opted to this kind of institute while in 2000 were a 20% of them.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
numbers reached its highest in 2009, becoming this choice the most selected within students, around the 58% in these years compared to its 12% in 2000.

Finally
, the specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, which hadn’t suffered a
You used an adverb ('dramatically') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('drop') instead of another adjective.
dramatically drop
of attendance,
still
steady in terms of enrolling, between 12 % and 10%.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic Comparison of proportions of learners in different schools

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Comparison of proportions of learners in different schools