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Coffee and Tea buying Habits in five different cities

Coffee and Tea buying Habits in five different cities mbGqn
The graph illustrates the percentage of population's coffee and tea purchasing and drinking habits for the last four weeks residing in five different Australian cities(Sydney, Melbourne, Brinsbane, Adelaide, Hobart). In general, it is evident that going to a cafe is the most common habit except in Adelaide. Moreover, fresh coffee bought by the residents in all cities is relatively lower than the purchase of instant coffee. Coming over to Sydney and Melbourne, the percentage of Sydney's people drinking tea or coffee in cafes is 61%, while the percentage of Melbourne's people is 64%. Meanwhile, 45% to 50% of the population in Sydney and Melbourne had a habit of buying instant coffee, whereas the proportions of purchasing instant coffee is 44% and 42% each. For the remaining cities, having tea or coffee at a cafe accounted for the largest percentage of people in Hobart, followed by Brisbane and Adelaide, at approximately 56% and 49% respectively. At the same time around 53% of the people in Hobart and Brisbane chose to buy instant coffee, compared to nearly 50% of those in Adelaide. Finally, a close similarity can be observed in the percentage of people purchasing fresh coffee between Brisbane and Adelaide, at around 34%, whereas Hobart's figure was higher, at roughly 44%.
The graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of population's
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coffee
and tea purchasing and drinking habits for the last four weeks residing in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Australian cities(Sydney, Melbourne,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brinsbane
, Adelaide, Hobart).

In general
, it is evident that going to a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
is the most common habit except in Adelaide.
Moreover
, fresh
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coffee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by the residents in all cities is
relatively
lower than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of instant coffee.

Coming over to Sydney and Melbourne, the
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percentage
of Sydney's
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people
drinking tea or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
is 61%, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Melbourne's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
64%. Meanwhile, 45% to 50% of the population in Sydney and Melbourne had a habit of buying instant
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coffee
, whereas the proportions of purchasing instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
is 44% and 42% each.

For the remaining cities, having tea or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
at a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
accounted for the largest
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percentage
of
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people
in Hobart, followed by Brisbane and Adelaide, at approximately 56% and 49%
respectively
. At the same time around 53% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Hobart and Brisbane chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, compared to
nearly
50% of those in Adelaide.
Finally
, a close similarity can
be observed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
purchasing fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
between Brisbane and Adelaide, at around 34%, whereas Hobart's figure was higher, at roughly 44%.
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IELTS academic Coffee and Tea buying Habits in five different cities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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