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children are experiencing increasing educational social and commercial pressures

children are experiencing increasing educational social and commercial pressures LbWBn
It is undeniable that teenagers in contemporary world are having more benefits than in the past. However, they are still facing up with excessive stress from various facets. In my opinion, this phenomenon has its roots from distinct causes and can be addressed by different methods. To begin with, family together with educational system seem to be two major reasons. There is no denying that in current days, family is gradually becoming an unexpected pressure for children. This is basically because of expectations of family members. Parents tend to put their enormous faith upon children. This generally form invisible tensions that involve children to live up to. Besides that, the educational system also contribute to the increase of this phenomenon. Nowadays, education in developing countries is outdated that require to be altered. This lead to higher standards in examinations and more intricate lessons are added to curriculum at school. In order to pass the exam as well as reach peak performance at class, children to spend days and nights to study. However, effective methodology can be implemented by the government or the family to alleviate pressures. First of all, parents should look at their children's real potential rather than judging them base on social criteria. Each kid have their own ability to do well at specific aspects. If parents put too much expectations on aspects that their children have no interests, stress will definitely appear and defeat them. Another point that need to take into account is that the government had better curtail unnecessary subjects at school. Instead of concentrating profoundly on theoretical aspects such as math, science, physic, education institution can take skills development courses into consideration in the long term. By cutting theoretical lessons together with adding more social skills classes, tensions can be decreased effectively. To conclude, family and education are putting too much pressures on children and this sometimes have detrimental effects. By looking at children's ability and curtailing unnecessary classes, family and school can lessen the stress that teenagers are suffering.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in contemporary world are having more benefits than in the past.
However
, they are
still
facing up with excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from various facets. In my opinion, this phenomenon has its roots from distinct causes and can
be addressed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
together with educational system seem to be two major reasons. There is no denying that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
gradually
becoming an unexpected pressure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
basically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of expectations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Parents tend to put their enormous faith upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
generally
form invisible tensions that involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to.
Besides
that, the educational system
also
contribute to the increase of this phenomenon. Nowadays, education in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
is outdated
that require to
be altered
. This lead to higher standards in examinations and more intricate lessons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to curriculum at school. In order to pass the exam
as well
as reach peak performance at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend days and nights to study.
However
, effective methodology can
be implemented
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to alleviate pressures.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, parents should look at their children's real potential
rather
than judging them base on social criteria. Each kid have
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ability to do well at specific aspects. If parents put too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
expectations on aspects that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have no interests,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
will definitely appear and defeat them. Another point that need to take into account is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had better curtail unnecessary subjects at school.
Instead
of concentrating
profoundly
on theoretical aspects such as math, science, physic, education institution can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
development courses into consideration in the long term. By cutting theoretical lessons together with adding more social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
classes, tensions can
be decreased
effectively
.
To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and education are putting too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
pressures on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have detrimental effects. By looking at children's ability and curtailing unnecessary classes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and school can lessen the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are suffering.
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IELTS academic children are experiencing increasing educational social and commercial pressures

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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