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Bar graph illustration of a number of people in Manchester, England.

Bar graph illustration of a number of people in Manchester, England. yx9Dg
The given bar chart gives the information which was recorded in a survey that involves a hundred adults, boys, and girls who were asked to name the sports that they participated in. This was a survey that includes a number of sports like basketball, swimming, football, hockey. This was a survey conducted in Manchester, England. Overall, it can be observed that a significant number of people are interested in swimming while, football being the least played game. However tennis also have a fair number of participants in comparison with hockey and basketball. Firstly, swimming is a sport that interests the highest number of adults and boys whose count is somewhere around 55 and 70 while, girls being around 50. On the other hand, football is the least preferred game by adults and girls whose count is around 5 while boys being around 55. Secondly, the count of adults interested in basketball, hockey, and tennis is around 30, 5, 30 respectively. Where the combined count of boys and girls interested in these sports is around 50, 70, and 50 respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart gives the information which
was recorded
in a survey that involves a hundred
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adults
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who
were asked
to name the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that they participated in. This was a survey that includes a
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like basketball, swimming, football, hockey. This was a survey conducted in Manchester, England.

Overall
, it can
be observed
that a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are interested
in swimming while, football being the least played game.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
tennis
also
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of participants
in comparison
with hockey and basketball.

Firstly
, swimming is a
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sport
that interests the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
is somewhere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
55 and 70 while,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
50.
On the other hand
, football is the least preferred game by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
5 while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
55.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
interested in basketball, hockey, and tennis is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
30, 5, 30
respectively
. Where the combined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
interested in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
50, 70, and 50
respectively
.

IELTS academic Bar graph illustration of a number of people in Manchester, England.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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