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Bar graph compares percentage of students in higher education

Bar graph compares percentage of students in higher education 7LD83
The bar graph compares the percentage of young peoples enrolled in higher education in four different countries over a decade following the Year 2000. Overall, an increment in percentage of students involvement in graduation was observed in country A, C and D. whereas, fluctuations were Apparent in data from country B. Taking a closer view, in country A, over a decade after year 2000 successive upsurge in percentage of young people in higher education was observed at regular intervals of 5 years starting from 38 % in 2000 till 62% in 2010. Interestingly, similar trend was found in data from country D, here 64% were enrolled in higher education in 2000 which became 78% in 2005 followed by 80% in 2010. Whereas, in country C in 2000 only 46% of users were in High School over the period 5 years there was increment in percentage which became 52% in 2005 and then it remain stagnant for next five more years. Surprisingly, an extremely unusual pattern was observed in country B, where firstly the percentage decrease till 41% in 2005 after that slight increment was observed in 2010(43%).
The bar graph compares the
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percentage
of young peoples enrolled in higher education in four
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different
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countries
over a decade following the
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Year
2000.

Overall
, an increment in
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percentage
of students involvement in graduation was
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observed
in
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country
A, C and D. whereas, fluctuations were Apparent in data from
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country
B.

Taking a closer view, in
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country
A, over a decade after
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year
2000 successive upsurge in
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percentage
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in higher education was
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observed
at regular intervals of 5 years starting from 38 % in 2000 till 62% in 2010.
Interestingly
, similar trend
was found
in data from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
D, here 64%
were enrolled
in higher education in 2000 which became 78% in 2005 followed by 80% in 2010.

Whereas, in
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country
C in 2000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
46% of users were in High School over the period 5 years there was increment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
which became 52% in 2005 and then it
Did you mean "remains"?
remain
stagnant for
next
five more years.
Surprisingly
, an
extremely
unusual pattern was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
B, where
firstly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
decrease till 41% in 2005 after that slight increment was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
in 2010(43%).
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IELTS academic Bar graph compares percentage of students in higher education

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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