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average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in London, Sydney and New york.

average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in London, Sydney and New york. 0AaO1
From the graph, in general we can see average monthly temperatures in London, New York, and Sydney. In London, from january to august temperature is slightly rising and going down from august to december. Peak of the London temperature is above 20 degree and below 25 degree. Lowest temperature is 5 degree. In New york, starting from january in 5 degree to 30 degree in july is the rising part of this graph. As same as London, from july to december temperature is going down to 5 degree. In Sydney, the graph is slightly fluctuational other than 2 other cities. In january, sydney's temperature is 25 degree and slightly going down to 15 degree in july. Then in july to december temperature is rising again to 25 degree. From table, comparing to Sydney and London, New york is the most sunny city. New york's general hours of sunshine in per year is 2535. After New york, Sydney is the second sunny city. In last London has 1180 hours in per year. In general, New york is the great city to visit if you're into dry sun and long sunny days.
From the graph,
in general
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
average monthly
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temperatures
in London,
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New
York, and Sydney.

In London, from
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january
to
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
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temperature
is
slightly
rising and going down from
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
to
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december
. Peak of the London
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temperature
is above 20
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degree
and below 25
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degree
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Lowest".
Lowest
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temperature
is 5 degree.

In
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New york
, starting from
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january
in 5
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degree
to 30
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degree
in
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july
is the rising part of this graph. As same as London, from
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july
to
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december
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temperature
is going down to 5 degree.

In Sydney, the graph is
slightly
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fluctuational
other than 2 other
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cities
. In
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january
,
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sydney
's
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temperature
is 25
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degree
and
slightly
going down to 15
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degree
in
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july
. Then in
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july
to
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december
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temperature
is rising again to 25 degree.

From table, comparing to Sydney and London,
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New york
is the most sunny city.
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New york
's general hours of sunshine in per year is 2535. After
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New york
, Sydney is the second sunny city. In last London has 1180 hours in per year.

In general
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New york
is the great city to visit if you're into dry sun and long sunny days.
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IELTS academic average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in London, Sydney and New york.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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