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Where is your Hometown and what is in it how people survive in?

Where is your Hometown and what is in it how people survive in? 3MwlX
I'm live in Jalandhar. it is a smart city and suburbs to Chandighar. On the outskirt of these cities are major manufacturing industries. In my hometown, lots of people do the job in this sector. But it is not a well-versed city due to major pollution occur in last year due to furnace work. So people are moving from this city to other suburbs. They feel uncomfortable and breathing problem comes so they do not survive there. Next to this, a province Punjab called the land of green very good state for living and lots of farmer work there.
I'm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Jalandhar.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is a smart city and suburbs to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chandighar
. On the outskirt of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are major manufacturing industries. In my hometown, lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do the job in this sector.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is not a
well
-versed city due to major pollution occur in last year due to furnace work.
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are moving from this city to other suburbs. They feel uncomfortable and breathing problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
so
they do not survive there.
Next
to this, a province Punjab called the land of green
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
state for living and lots of farmer work there.
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IELTS speaking Where is your Hometown and what is in it how people survive in?

Speaking
  American English
1 paragraphs
99 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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