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When individuals become older, they require more help and support. From one side, a number of people approve the government should provide financial assistance to the elderly. However, I tend to profoundly agree that workers should save their income for their retirement.

When individuals become older, they require more help and support. From one side, a number of people approve the government should provide financial assistance to the elderly. However, I tend to profoundly agree that workers should save their income for their retirement. 1kyOq
When individuals become older, they require more help and support. From one side, a number of people approve the government should provide financial assistance to the elderly. However, I tend to profoundly agree that workers should save their income for their retirement. On one hand, those who are reliant on financial subsidises are likely to face the negative societal issues, as many people consider them to be inferior and unworthy members of society. Hence, living a life with pride, in charge of one’s own retirement fund is apparently an optimal choice from individual standpoint. On the other hand, if people accumulate their own savings for their pension age, it would lessen the financial burden on the government. As a result, the government could be able to relieve more funds to more state-owned purposes such as development of infrastructure, hospital, education or industries. Afterward, all these target may set aside considerably for the overall progression of a country. In conclusion, I strongly believe that each retiree that should save certain amounts of money to stay financially independent instead of depending too much on monetary assistance from the government and officials.
When individuals become older, they require more
help
and support. From one side, a number of
people
approve the
government
should provide financial assistance to the elderly.
However
, I tend to
profoundly
agree
that workers should save their income for their retirement.

On one hand, those who are reliant on financial
subsidises
are likely to face the
negative
societal issues, as
many
people
consider them to be inferior and unworthy members of society.
Hence
, living a life with pride, in charge of one’s
own
retirement fund is
apparently
an optimal choice from individual standpoint.

On the other hand
, if
people
accumulate their
own
savings for their pension age, it would lessen the financial burden on the
government
.
As a result
, the
government
could be able to relieve more funds to more state-
owned
purposes such as development of infrastructure, hospital, education or industries. Afterward, all these target may set aside
considerably
for the
overall
progression of a country.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that each retiree that should save certain amounts of money to stay
financially
independent
instead
of depending too much on monetary assistance from the
government
and officials.
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IELTS essay When individuals become older, they require more help and support. From one side, a number of people approve the government should provide financial assistance to the elderly. However, I tend to profoundly agree that workers should save their income for their retirement.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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