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There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. 15ndn
Nowadays, jobs are easier to find on the internet, where people can compare payroll packages and check past employees feedback. To retain workers in companies, administrators offer a hefty amount of income upgrades. One might believe that this is enough to get a worker's faithfulness on not to switch job. In my opinion, I completely disagree, as work-life balance is far more important. A higher monthly earning is believed to be enough for employee retention. Obviously, people work because of money, we need it to buy our needs and wants in life. As a result, a person can be motivated to work more by trying to comply with company rules and being punctual at work, this can be interpreted as an employee's fondness for his job. For example, when an employee expects to have a raise in salary when he is promoted, he will perform well for him to get that position. This can portray that the employee likes to stay in that job. Though this can be promising, apparently it is just short-lived. On the contrary, workers who have a better work-life balance proves to stay longer in their jobs. There is a saying that, one must enjoy his work. People who are happy at work, seldomly notice negative thoughts, they will not bother even if other companies offer higher pay. Employee satisfaction can be achieved by a good work-life balance, where staffs are being listened to by the companies where they work with, in terms of convenience of work and day-offs. An example of such companies is Google, they allow their workers to play and relax at work, thus creating an excellent work environment. In conclusion, although an increase in salary can motivate a person to be loyal to his current job, because he can use the extra money for other needs. Still, it will not be an assurance that he will stay, what is needed is employee satisfaction, through proper work-life balance.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are easier to find on the internet, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can compare payroll packages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
past
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "employees'" or "employee's"?
employees
feedback. To retain workers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, administrators offer a hefty amount of income upgrades. One might believe that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a worker's faithfulness on not to switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In my opinion, I completely disagree, as work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

A higher monthly earning
is believed
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
retention.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of money, we need it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
our needs and wants in life.
As a result
, a person can
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more by trying to comply with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and being punctual at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, this can
be interpreted
as an employee's fondness for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
to have a raise in salary when he
is promoted
, he will perform well for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that position. This can portray that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
likes to stay in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Though this can be promising,
apparently
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
short-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
.

On the contrary
, workers who have a better work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
proves to stay longer in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. There is a saying that, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
enjoy his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are happy at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
seldomly
notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts, they will not bother even if other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
offer higher pay.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employee
satisfaction can
be achieved
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
, where staffs are
being listened
to by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with, in terms of convenience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and day-offs. An example of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is Google, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their workers to play and relax at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
thus
creating an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.

In conclusion
, although an increase in salary can motivate a person to be loyal to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the extra money for other needs.
Still
, it will not be an assurance that he will stay, what
is needed
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
satisfaction, through proper work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
.
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IELTS essay There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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