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the advertising is the most important factor of the unhealthy habits??agree or disagree??

the advertising is the most important factor of the unhealthy habits? ? agree or disagree? ? E39rB
Generally speaking, being healthy is a very crucial part in our life. It is important because it provides people with a healthy body away from any diseases. In my view, I agree with this statement for the following two essential reasons. One of the reasons is that the advertising is always introducing the products in a tempting manner. In other words, seeing a delecious, good looking burger sandwich of a particular restaurant is so seducing, which in turn make the people rush themselves to taste this sandwich without thinking that how many calories or does this sandwich has an essential vitamins in it? A vivid example can be given to shed a light on what alluded above. A recent research had showed that the most people with the heart diseases are due to their habits of eating a variety of junk food that showed in the advertising. One of the main diseases is the myocardial infarction, which is the blockage of the main arteries in the heart. If these cases do not receive the immediate treatment, it will lead to death. The only way to reduce the risk of this disease is by avoiding the food that the advertising companies are talking about and consider a health food instead. However, one argument put forward is that without the advertisement, the people will not be able to know what is beneficial for them, it still convincing that the disadvantages far outweigh the benefits. The other concern is that the advertising companies usually focus on making a profit rather than care about the individual’s health. To be more precise, introducing a product would definitely needs a huge investment. The only way to return this money back to the company and make a good yeild is by advertising and pursuade the people to buy this product. For instance, a few weeks ago, I saw an ad on television about the ready to eat steak, which needed only to warm it up in the microwave. It was alluring for me because I work the whole week and when I came back home I did not have time to cook. I did not think about the calories. After a few weeks, I weigh myself and I found I gained five pounds because of this food. It is really necessary to think about the kind of the food before purchase it. By the way of conclusion based on the aspects revealed above. In my perspective and the way I look at it, I think advertising is a noticable factor in unhealthy body.
Generally
speaking, being healthy is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part in our life. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a healthy body away from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement for the following two essential reasons.

One of the reasons is that the advertising is always introducing the products
Consider replacing "in a tempting manner" with the adverb for "tempting"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a tempting manner
.
In other words
, seeing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
delecious
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
burger sandwich of a particular restaurant is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
seducing, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rush themselves to taste this sandwich without thinking that how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
calories or does this sandwich
Did you mean "have"?
has
an essential
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "vitamin"?
vitamins
in it? A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed a light on what
Did you mean "eluded"?
alluded
above. A recent research had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are due to their habits of eating a variety of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the advertising. One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is the myocardial infarction, which is the blockage of the main arteries in the heart. If these cases do not receive the immediate treatment, it will lead to death. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
is by avoiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that the advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are talking about and consider a health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
.
However
, one argument put forward is that without the advertisement, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to know what is beneficial for them, it
still
convincing that the disadvantages far outweigh the benefits.

The other concern is that the advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
usually
focus on making a profit
rather
than care about the individual’s health. To be more precise, introducing a product would definitely
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "need"
needs
a huge investment. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to return this money back to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
yeild
is by advertising and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pursuade
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this product.
For instance
, a few weeks ago, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an ad on television about the ready to eat steak, which needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to warm it up in the microwave. It was alluring for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I work the whole week and when I came back home I did not have time to cook. I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the calories. After a few weeks, I weigh myself and I found I gained five pounds
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It is
really
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the kind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it.

By the way of conclusion based on the aspects revealed above. In my perspective and the way I look at it, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
noticable
factor in unhealthy body.
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IELTS essay the advertising is the most important factor of the unhealthy habits? ? agree or disagree? ?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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