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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion m19qK
Some people claim that boosting the number of sports facilities is the most effective way to improve the public health, while others think it is not, and another measure should be taken. This essay will argue that although the convenient accessibility to sports clubs encourages citizens to work on their health, the government should incentivise the public to improve their health. A great number of sports facilities makes it easy for the public to commute to one regularly. Although people feel lazy to go to a facility in a long distance, they are more likely to go there in a short distance, and therefore they would try to get fit. Furthermore, once they make doing exercise a part of their routines, it will be easy for them to retain the habit without being affected by their daily mood changes. For example, a survey in Japan found that there is a correlation between the convenient accessibility to sports centres and subjects who succeeded in losing weight. However, I believe there must be people who do not go sports centres regardless of distance. Instead of building sports clubs, the government should bribe men and women with money to improve their health. Since humans tend to be lazy, we are unwilling to start to get fit unless we receive incentives. One way is by distributing $100 to people who could lose more than 5 kg a month. For instance, my dad could quit smoking when I offered him $500. For this reason, I believe the public are inclined to try to improve their health with money. In conclusion, although building several sports facilities influences people to go to one by making those facilities accessible, I believe manipulating people with incentives offered by the government is more effective to improve the public health.
Some
people
claim that boosting the number of
sports
facilities is the most effective way to
improve
the
public
health
, while others
think
it is not, and another measure should
be taken
. This essay will argue that although the convenient accessibility to
sports
clubs encourages citizens to work on their
health
, the
government
should
incentivise
the
public
to
improve
their health.

A great number of
sports
facilities
makes
it easy for the
public
to commute to one
regularly
. Although
people
feel lazy to go to a facility in a long distance, they are more likely to go there in a short distance, and
therefore
they would try to
get
fit.
Furthermore
, once they
make
doing exercise a part of their routines, it will be easy for them to retain the habit without being
affected
by their daily mood
changes
.
For example
, a survey in Japan found that there is a correlation between the convenient accessibility to
sports
centres
and subjects who succeeded in losing weight.
However
, I believe there
must
be
people
who do not go
sports
centres
regardless of distance.

Instead
of building
sports
clubs, the
government
should bribe
men
and women with money to
improve
their
health
. Since humans tend to be lazy, we are unwilling to
start
to
get
fit unless we receive incentives. One way is by distributing $100 to
people
who could lose more than 5 kg a month.
For instance
, my dad could quit smoking when I offered him $500.
For this reason
, I believe the
public
are inclined
to try to
improve
their
health
with money.

In conclusion
, although building several
sports
facilities influences
people
to go to one by making those facilities accessible, I believe manipulating
people
with incentives offered by the
government
is more effective to
improve
the
public
health
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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