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Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v.20

Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v. 20
Another controversial issue related to the salaries being paid to different professionals has been aroused among people in recent years. Some thinkers think that professionals like pop stars, actors or sports person are being paid far higher than they deserve.   There are several other professions that also deserve a handsome amount of salary. However, this essay will look into both the aspects before giving a one sided conclusion. First of all, there is no such profession that is more deserving or higher than the other. Every type of work, either be it acting, playing or hospitality job is different and valuable of its kind. Talking about the amount of money that is being paid to entertainers, I think they deserve this. Though they are not serving people, they play an important role in serving the country. These people work harder and harder each day to master their skills and amuse people. They play for the country and represent it in the world. For example, our Indian cricket team give its fullest to win the game at national as well as international level so as to raise the name of the country.   Another example that can be given is, film stars, they struggle a lot to get into this field and eventually, when they are successful and famous people remember our country by their names. Therefore, it cannot be said that these jobs do not deserve money. They are paid for their determination and hard work. On the other hand, it is undeniable that jobs like doctors, teachers or community workers are paid considerably less amount in comparison to above professions. These fields of expertise should also be paid generously depending on their performance and the knowledge they possess.   They are equally important to us as the entertainers.   These people serve the country not sometimes just physically but, also using their mental capabilities. To sum up, from the aforementioned, it is totally justified that no work is high or low. Every profession has its own value and everyone deserves the best. However, I recommend that instead of reducing salaries of the entertainers, people and government could think of increasing the wages of other professionals too.
Another controversial issue related to the salaries being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professionals has
been aroused
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
thinkers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that professionals like pop stars, actors or sports person are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
far higher than they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
that
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
a handsome amount of salary.
However
, this essay will look into both the aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving a one sided conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is no such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
that is
more deserving or higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Every type of work, either be it acting, playing or hospitality job is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and valuable of its kind. Talking about the amount of money
that is
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
to entertainers, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
this. Though they are not serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in serving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work harder and harder each day to master their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and amuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They play for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and represent it in the world.
For example
, our Indian cricket team give its fullest to win the game at national
as well
as international level
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
raise the name of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Another example that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is, film stars, they struggle a lot to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into this field and
eventually
, when they are successful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remember our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by their names.
Therefore
, it cannot
be said
that these jobs do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
money. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for their determination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is undeniable that jobs like doctors, teachers or community workers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
considerably
less amount
in comparison
to above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
. These fields of expertise should
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
generously
depending on their performance and the knowledge they possess.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
They are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to us as the entertainers.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
also
using their mental capabilities.

To sum up, from the aforementioned, it is
totally
justified that no work is high or low. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
value and everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserves
the best.
However
, I recommend that
instead
of reducing salaries of the entertainers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of increasing the wages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals too.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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