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Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v.18

Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v. 18
Many people believe that actors, athletes and musicians are overpaid nowadays. I personally agree with the statement since there are other occupations which are more important and vital for human beings. The following essay will discuss in details about the disagreement and a brief explanation about jobs that should be highly paid. It is a fact that a lot of entertainers such as movie stars, pop singers or professional sports players are highly paid. It can be seen from their night lifestyles, luxurious properties and sports cars. A lot of people believe that they are overpaid since the function of their jobs is only to entertain the public and it is not categorised as vital jobs. There are other jobs which are more important for societies, and they should be well paid. Firstly, many people do not realise that the existence of firefighters is crucial for the neighbourhood as they could save many people's lives. Besides that, their jobs are also considered as a high-risk job, since they could be seriously hurt or injured. Secondly, as a leader of a nation, the president or prime minister has a lot of responsibilities. He/she must be meticulous, prudence and wise in taking decisions, since his/her decisions might have a serious impact on the public. And then, becoming a country's leader also faces the terror of being murdered or kidnapped by terrorists. Therefore, these professions should be well compensated in accordance with the risk and responsibilities. In conclusion, it is believed that famous entertainers are overly paid these days. I strongly agree with the opinion, since entertainments are not the basic need of human beings. I do believe that there are other jobs which should be highly paid since they are high risk and their existences are essential for mankind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that actors, athletes and musicians are overpaid nowadays. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement since there are other occupations which are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and vital for human beings. The following essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the disagreement and a brief explanation about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that should be
highly
paid.

It is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainers such as movie stars, pop singers or professional sports players are
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from their night lifestyles, luxurious properties and sports cars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they are overpaid since the function of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to entertain the public and it is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
as vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. There are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for societies, and they should be well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that the existence of firefighters is crucial for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
as they could save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Besides
that, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
also
considered as a high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, since they could be
seriously
hurt or injured.

Secondly
, as a leader of a nation, the president or prime minister has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities. He/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be meticulous, prudence and wise in taking decisions, since his/her decisions might have a serious impact on the public. And then, becoming a country's leader
also
faces the terror of
being murdered
or kidnapped by terrorists.
Therefore
, these professions should be well compensated in accordance with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and responsibilities.

In conclusion
, it
is believed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
entertainers are
overly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
these days. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion, since entertainments are not the basic need of human beings. I do believe that there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which should be
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
since they are high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and their existences are essential for mankind.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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