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Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v.14

Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v. 14
It is a well-known fact that certain professions get paid more than others. Celebrities are especially known to receive high remuneration, which is sometimes argued to be too excessively high. Nevertheless, I agree that stars should be paid a large sum of money. There are a number of reasons why this should be the case. Firstly, they will carry a heavy burden by being constantly under the spotlight. While there are those who enjoy such attention, living under public scrutiny can be quite stressful for others. On top of that, it is quite likely that they will have no privacy, even in regard to their personal lives. Therefore, there should be an equal trade-off in the form of money for those sacrifices. Besides, their appearances are often broadcasted all over the world. For instance, the movie they starred in might be screened at hundreds of cinemas. Thus, the movie earnings itself would be high, so it would only make sense that they get high pay for playing in it. Even so, there are other professions that should also get high salary. One of these is the type of work that involves a great risk, such as miners who are at risk of being trapped inside a mine. In addition, jobs, where people's health is at stake, should also be rewarded with a reasonably high amount of money. For instance, doctors and psychologist who handle people's wellbeing or even lives should obtain high pay. This is because it might be demanding and exhausting to work in such professions. In conclusion, I agree that entertainers should be well-paid. On the other hand, other jobs that involve great harm or people's health should have a relatively high salary too.
It is a well-known fact that
certain professions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid more than others. Celebrities are
especially
known to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued to be too
excessively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that stars should
be paid
a large sum of money.

There are a number of reasons why this should be the case.
Firstly
, they will carry a heavy burden by being
constantly
under the spotlight. While there are those who enjoy such attention, living under public scrutiny can be quite stressful for others.
On top of that
, it is quite likely that they will have no privacy, even in regard to their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, there should be an equal trade-off in the form of money for those sacrifices.
Besides
, their appearances are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
broadcasted all over the world.
For instance
, the movie they starred in might
be screened
at hundreds of cinemas.
Thus
, the movie earnings itself would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
pay for playing in it.

Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions that should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary. One of these is the type of work that involves a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, such as miners who are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being trapped
inside a mine.
In addition
, jobs, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health is at stake, should
also
be rewarded
with a
reasonably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
amount of money.
For instance
, doctors and psychologist who handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
should obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
pay. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might be demanding and exhausting to work in such professions.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that entertainers should be well-paid. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs that involve great harm or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health should have a
relatively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary too.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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