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Some people believe that children should go to extra classes after school. Others, however, think that children should spend that time playing instead. Discuses both views and give your own opinion.

Whether or not children should attend extra classes after school depends upon the quality of education they receive at school. Children who receive excellent coaching from their school probably don’t have to attend extra classes. However, this is not always the case. In many schools, there are too many children in one class. It is nearly impossible for the teacher to pay attention to all of them. In my opinion, such children will need to attend extra classes after school. For example, in Mumbai almost all students attend coaching classes after school. Private coaching institutes are mushrooming there. They charge a hefty fee. Still, even poor parents send their children to these coaching institutes because they are worried that their children might get poor grades if they didn’t receive extra coaching. Schools in Mumbai are overcrowded and that limits the amount of attention each student can receive from school. Students in many parts of the world face this problem. In such situations extra coaching often becomes a necessity. Unfortunately, there is another side to this. When children spend much of their time in schools and coaching classes, they get hardly any time for themselves. Children who don’t play often develop health problems like obesity and diabetes. Many of them also suffer from anxiety and depression because they are under constant pressure to obtain better grades. A lot of parents and schools simply don’t understand the importance of play. Many of them do not even allow their children to pursue extracurricular activities when they are in high school. While some students certainly need to focus more on academics to get better grades, others may wilt under too much academic pressure. To conclude, parents should allow children to decide whether they need extra coaching or not. Students enrolled in good schools probably don’t need extra coaching. But if parents or the students are concerned that they might need extra attention, there is no harm in attending coaching classes. They should still ensure that they set aside at least an hour a day for play.

Consider shortening this phrase to just “Whether”. It is correct though if you mean ‘regardless of whether’.Whether
Whether or not
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children
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attend
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extra
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classes
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probably
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have to
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extra
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classes
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many
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children
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children
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need
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extra
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. For example
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students
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coaching
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classes
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school
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coaching
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parents
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send
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get
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Unfortunately, there is another side to this. When You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinfanttoddleradolescentjuvenileyouthteenager
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often
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because
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allow
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some
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students
certainly
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need
 to focus more on academics to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 better grades, others may wilt under too much academic pressure.

To conclude
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parents
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allow
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children
 to decide whether they You use this word too often, consider replacing it withuserightwishcommitmentdemandobligation
need
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extra
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coaching
 or not. You use this word too often, consider replacing it withundergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
Students
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good
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schools
probably
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need
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coaching
. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
But
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parents
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students
are concerned
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need
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coaching
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classes
. They should still
 ensure that they set aside at least an hour a day for play. 