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School used to offer three after class activities 1 sports 2 art 3 volunteering This year school s extra money may only can offer one activity Which one do you choose and why

School used to offer three after class activities 1 sports 2 art 3 volunteering This year school s extra money may only can offer one activity Which one do you choose and why 2bg9b
No one can deny that school extracurricular activities have a lot of positive impact for students. Unfortunately, majority of schools does not provide their student to choose many extracurriculum options due to tight budget. If I were asked to choose only one activity from sports, arts, and volunteering, I would definitely choose the sports program. The reason for my opinion will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there is no doubt about sports having postive effects in personal health. Many sport activities require students to move their body and to strengthen every muscles. School sports programs are strictly planned of sufficient amount of activity with plenty of resting period, and provides students regular plans to work out. Also, school provide a lot of equipment that requires a lucrative amount of money, and infrastructures that students cannot afford personally. For example, I have a disease called " osteoarthritis" and this sickness makes mundane activities like running or walking painful. My doctor recommended me swimming because on water I do not get the force of gravity but yet can strengthen my basal physical activity. However, if was difficult for my family to construct a swimmingpool in our backyard and local swimmingpools were distant away from my house. Thanks to the school's extracurricular swimming program, my diseased got alleviated and I became healthier. In addition, sports are a great way for students to develop important social skills. Especially, team sports require crowd of students to work together for an united goal. Students can learn teamwork, communication skills, and friendship which are significant abilities for living in a harmonious society and an ultimate goal of school education. There is a perfect example that shows how teamsports enhance students to build a successful teamwork. My highschool football team had a nortorious reputation of strict discipline and hard practice. The players trained enhancing basic physical fitness, ball passing techniques and communication skills on the field. Over thousands of hours of practice, the team had a successful teamwork because individual players had beliefs on others, and kept on fulfilling individual functions on field. This shows that practicing as a team sports member facillitates students to develop great social skills. Last but not least, school sports programs gives students opportunity for entering university. Many students dreams to apply in great universities and have lucrative jobs. However, the competition is fierceful and the admission process of univerity is very complex. Even if students enter the university, they confront with financial problems due to high expense of school tuition. Meanwhile, majority of universities offer a special sports scholarship program, and they require students to prove successful outputs during highschool and in reward, they give tuition to the students. So I would personally choose sports activities out of three choices inorder to gain my dream for attending topnotch universities. In conclusion, I personally would choose sports program out of three choices because of the reasons depicted above.
No one can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Unfortunately,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
does not provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
extracurriculum
options due to tight budget. If I
were asked
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, arts, and volunteering, I would definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. The reason for my opinion will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
having
Possible spelling mistake found.
postive
effects in personal health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their body and to strengthen every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "muscle"?
muscles
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
strictly
planned of sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of resting period, and provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
regular plans to work out.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
equipment that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
requires
a lucrative amount of money, and infrastructures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot afford
personally
.
For example
, I have a disease called
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
osteoarthritis&quot
; and this sickness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
mundane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like running or walking painful. My doctor recommended me swimming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
on water I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the force of gravity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
yet
can strengthen my basal physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
However
, if was difficult for my family to construct a
Possible spelling mistake found.
swimmingpool
in our backyard and local
Possible spelling mistake found.
swimmingpools
were distant away from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Thanks to the school's extracurricular swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, my diseased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
alleviated and I became healthier.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are a great way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
crowd of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work together for
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
united goal.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can learn teamwork, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and friendship which are significant abilities for living in a harmonious society and an ultimate goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education. There is a perfect example that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
Possible spelling mistake found.
teamsports
enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to build a successful teamwork. My
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
had a
Possible spelling mistake found.
nortorious
reputation of strict discipline and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
practice. The players trained enhancing basic physical fitness, ball passing techniques and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on the field. Over thousands of hours of practice, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
had a successful teamwork
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individual players had beliefs on others, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on fulfilling individual functions on field. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that practicing as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
member
Possible spelling mistake found.
facillitates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop great social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opportunity for entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You should probably use "dream".
dreams
to apply in great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and have lucrative jobs.
However
, the competition is
Possible spelling mistake found.
fierceful
and the admission process of
Possible spelling mistake found.
univerity
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
complex. Even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, they confront with financial problems due to high expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
tuition. Meanwhile,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
offer a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
scholarship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to prove successful outputs during
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
and in reward, they give tuition to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
out of three choices
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to gain my dream for attending topnotch universities.

In conclusion
, I
personally
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
out of three choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons depicted above.
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IELTS essay School used to offer three after class activities 1 sports 2 art 3 volunteering This year school s extra money may only can offer one activity Which one do you choose and why

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
489 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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