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Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development? pwk9
Individuals are likely to update personal data such as a home address, phone number, etc, to online platforms which are very convenient to use in present days. In my opinion, advancement in technology is a mandatory requirement and a positive feature however, myriad of negative impacts are also hiding in it; hackers can steal our personal information and they can manipulate it. On the one hand, digital media are easy and comfortable to manage our data and get help. Once a person gives all his information to online sites it will be automatically saved so he does not need to rewrite it in the future. In addition, banks in developed countries promotes every customer to use online banking systems so customers can alleviate visits to the bank, they can call customer service at any time for assistance. Hence, time can be saved. On the other hand, Digital media misusers are proliferating nowadays. Once they hack our personal data, they try to mislead us with different ideas. For Instance, in recent news published by CBC, one Canadian lost almost one hundred thousand dollars, he explained to the news that, someone from his bank called and requested to withdraw money from his current bank and deposit it to some other bank as spam call advised. This person believed the caller and lost his entire money. What hackers mainly do that, they collect phone numbers and name, call phone numbers, pretending like they are officials, and made the callers believe in hackers. Normally, it is happening to older people and immigrants who do not have any idea about spam calls. This can be avoided by public awareness by the government or by bank officials. Overall, it is a good idea to have an update on online websites, nevertheless, beware of spammers and spoofers.
Individuals are likely to update personal data such as a home address, phone number, etc, to
online
platforms which are
very
convenient to
use
in present days. In my opinion, advancement in technology is a mandatory requirement and a
positive
feature
however
, myriad of
negative
impacts are
also
hiding in it; hackers can steal our personal
information and
they can manipulate it.

On the one hand, digital media are easy and comfortable to manage our data and
get
help
. Once a person gives all his information to
online
sites it will be
automatically
saved
so
he does not need to rewrite it in the future.
In addition
,
banks
in
developed countries
promotes every customer to
use
online
banking systems
so
customers can alleviate visits to the
bank
, they can
call
customer service at any time for assistance.
Hence
, time can
be saved
.

On the other hand
, Digital media
misusers
are proliferating nowadays. Once they hack our personal data, they try to mislead us with
different
ideas
.
For Instance
, in recent news published by CBC, one Canadian lost almost one hundred thousand dollars, he
explained
to the news that, someone from his
bank
called and requested to withdraw money from his
current
bank
and deposit it to
some
other
bank
as spam
call
advised. This person believed the caller and lost his entire money. What hackers
mainly
do that, they collect phone numbers and name,
call
phone numbers, pretending like they are officials, and made the callers believe in hackers.
Normally
, it is happening to older
people
and immigrants who do not have any
idea
about spam
calls
. This can
be avoided
by public awareness by the
government
or by
bank
officials.

Overall
, it is a
good
idea
to have an update on
online
websites,
nevertheless
, beware of spammers and
spoofers
.
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IELTS essay Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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