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Many people believe that global environmental problems should be dealt with internationally rather than domestically. What is your opinion?

A few people believe that global environmental issues ought to be resolved by the collaboration of all the nations rather than tackling it locally. I fully agree with this notion and reasons to strengthen my viewpoint are put forth in subsequent paragraphs. First of all, solving several environmental problems in a particular location cannot give a fruitful result. As environment degrading issues such as global warming have no particular defined boundary, they can only be tackled efficiently by a joint effort of all nations. For example, resolving a problem of marine pollution by enacting strict laws for oil mining companies in one country might not resolve the problem if other countries fail to handle the same as the ocean has no physical boundary. Thus, handling of such issues is only possible by international collaboration. Furthermore, under the influence of international treaties, countries become more accountable to control environmental issues. In other words, a nation has global pressure of facing backlash in terms of loss in international trade if they fail to follow the strict protocols of any international contract. To cite an example, under the Parris climate agreement, some countries are instructed to half their carbon dioxide emission by 2030. If they fail to fulfil, they may face consequences in terms of an international boycott. Such treaties are encouraging countries to move towards renewable sources of energy. In addition, under-developed countries do not have enough funds to tackle increasing environmental problems on their own. Thus, sharing of funds from other developed countries or international councils can resolve this problem in a more systematic way. To illustrate, the United Nation reserves a large share of fund for poor countries such as Bangladesh, in order to provide clean solar energy to their citizens. Such funds by international organisations have proven to be quite useful for poor countries in controlling greenhouse gases. To encapsulate, in my perspective, joint efforts of all nations can tackle rising global environmental issues in a more organised way due to the restriction from international bodies as well as sharing funds and resources.
A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
ought to
be resolved
by the collaboration of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
rather
than tackling it
locally
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and reasons to strengthen my viewpoint
are put
forth in subsequent paragraphs.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, solving several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in a particular location cannot give a fruitful result. As environment degrading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming have no particular defined boundary, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be tackled
efficiently
by a joint effort of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For example
, resolving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of marine pollution by enacting strict laws for oil mining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
might not resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
if other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
fail to handle the same as the ocean has no physical boundary.
Thus
, handling of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
collaboration.

Furthermore
, under the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
treaties,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
become more accountable to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
In other words
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
pressure of facing backlash in terms of loss in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
trade if they fail to follow the strict protocols of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
contract. To cite an example, under the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parris
climate agreement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are instructed
to half their carbon dioxide emission by 2030. If they fail to fulfil, they may face consequences in terms of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
boycott. Such treaties are encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards renewable sources of energy.

In addition
, under-developed
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countries
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to tackle increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Thus
, sharing of funds from other developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
councils can resolve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in a more systematic way. To illustrate, the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nation
reserves a large share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Bangladesh, in order to provide clean solar energy to their citizens. Such funds by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
have proven to be quite useful for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in controlling greenhouse gases.

To encapsulate, in my perspective, joint efforts of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can tackle rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in a more
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organised’ is British English.
organised
way due to the restriction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
bodies
as well
as sharing funds and resources.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that global environmental problems should be dealt with internationally rather than domestically. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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